Many people try to attain peace by avoiding what they don’t want. They try to avoid loneliness, ridicule, emotional pain, running out of money, or other problems, hoping to find peace. But those whose lives are mostly avoiding may be left with a sense of emptiness.
This emptiness is widespread in our modern world – it could be called an epidemic. It is a poor substitute for peace. Truly having peace means living an authentic life, a life that matches who we are. In order to have true peace, it is important to go for what we want, not just to avoid what we don’t want.
To live a life of peace means to have an abundance of whatever is important to you. This could be friends, a sense of meaning, or a sense of accomplishment. It means a life in which you get out of bed in the morning looking forward to the day.
We may spend much of our lives avoiding what we don’t want, but we need to remember to go after what we do want.
Today, think of three things you want to add to your life.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Saturday, March 29, 2008
March 29 What You Resist Persists
What you resist persists.
Carl Jung
The concept that “what you resist persists” is a hard one for many of us in Western society to grasp. We have so bought into the storyline that fighters are heroes that we find anything else confusing.
But in fact, fighting against something makes it stronger. When we make something into an enemy, we magnify its importance. As we give our attention to it, we make it bigger and more powerful.
When we focus on fighting the enemy, we only see part of the picture: a one-sided reality. But if we look at the bigger picture we see that everything has consequences. For example, if we kill someone we disagree with, we create a martyr. We then guarantee that the fight continues for the next generation.
This is the difference between a society that values brute strength and a society that values wisdom. Instead of focusing on fighting against enemies, wisdom suggests that we concentrate on the solution we want and put our effort into creating it.
Carl Jung
The concept that “what you resist persists” is a hard one for many of us in Western society to grasp. We have so bought into the storyline that fighters are heroes that we find anything else confusing.
But in fact, fighting against something makes it stronger. When we make something into an enemy, we magnify its importance. As we give our attention to it, we make it bigger and more powerful.
When we focus on fighting the enemy, we only see part of the picture: a one-sided reality. But if we look at the bigger picture we see that everything has consequences. For example, if we kill someone we disagree with, we create a martyr. We then guarantee that the fight continues for the next generation.
This is the difference between a society that values brute strength and a society that values wisdom. Instead of focusing on fighting against enemies, wisdom suggests that we concentrate on the solution we want and put our effort into creating it.
Friday, March 28, 2008
March 28 Peace and the Senses
The sense of taste can help provide a feeling of comfort and peace.
We all have favorite tastes. Many of us crave chocolate, especially on a bad day; others find ice cream soothing.
Some foods remind us of memories. You may find that something your grandmother used to fix makes you feel better. Tastes we remember from our childhood bring back the feeling of simpler, happier, times.
Ideally, food makes us feel nurtured and cared for. “Comfort foods” are filling and help relieve anxiety. They nourish the soul as well as the body.
When we try to eat healthy, this sometimes means that we give up the foods that bring us joy. We may feel as if we are missing something.
What food or drink makes you feel at peace?
Today, treat yourself to a taste that makes you say, “aaah”.
We all have favorite tastes. Many of us crave chocolate, especially on a bad day; others find ice cream soothing.
Some foods remind us of memories. You may find that something your grandmother used to fix makes you feel better. Tastes we remember from our childhood bring back the feeling of simpler, happier, times.
Ideally, food makes us feel nurtured and cared for. “Comfort foods” are filling and help relieve anxiety. They nourish the soul as well as the body.
When we try to eat healthy, this sometimes means that we give up the foods that bring us joy. We may feel as if we are missing something.
What food or drink makes you feel at peace?
Today, treat yourself to a taste that makes you say, “aaah”.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
March 27 Mediation
So, if this world is stuck in the shadow Warrior, how can we help move it along to something better?
One way would be for more of us to learn mediation skills. Mediation can be used as an alternative to fighting. Its goal is to create a win-win solution. The process requires each party to show respect for the other’s perspective, their view of the world, their need for validation without giving up their own perspective, view of the world, or need for validation. Each side wins on the points that they value most and concedes on the aspects that they find less urgent.
Mediation has notably been used in divorce, but that is only one application. It can be used in business, with labor problems or internal disagreements. Some communities are using mediation to solve problems, from small disputes to major feuds. Those who learn mediation find it a useful skill to address problems in their own lives and with their families.
Mediation programs and centers exist in many areas. Some religious groups train people in mediation skills. Other mediation centers are located at educational institutions or in communities.
Knowing mediation skills can be helpful for all of us in our everyday lives. In addition, many people serve as volunteer mediators who may be called upon for disputes between individuals or community groups. Paid mediators go through formal mediation training and receive certification. They may work with the courts or with attorneys.
Mediation is a valuable skill for a society that wishes to have more peace. Today, find out whether there is a resource in your community that teaches mediation skills.
One way would be for more of us to learn mediation skills. Mediation can be used as an alternative to fighting. Its goal is to create a win-win solution. The process requires each party to show respect for the other’s perspective, their view of the world, their need for validation without giving up their own perspective, view of the world, or need for validation. Each side wins on the points that they value most and concedes on the aspects that they find less urgent.
Mediation has notably been used in divorce, but that is only one application. It can be used in business, with labor problems or internal disagreements. Some communities are using mediation to solve problems, from small disputes to major feuds. Those who learn mediation find it a useful skill to address problems in their own lives and with their families.
Mediation programs and centers exist in many areas. Some religious groups train people in mediation skills. Other mediation centers are located at educational institutions or in communities.
Knowing mediation skills can be helpful for all of us in our everyday lives. In addition, many people serve as volunteer mediators who may be called upon for disputes between individuals or community groups. Paid mediators go through formal mediation training and receive certification. They may work with the courts or with attorneys.
Mediation is a valuable skill for a society that wishes to have more peace. Today, find out whether there is a resource in your community that teaches mediation skills.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
March 22 Thanks, But I'll Pass
For me, last week brought one annoyance after another, ending with the day I had to deal with customer service. I had two problems, so I had to deal with two different companies, a process that took four hours altogether. It was everything we expect these days from customer service. One guy was surly and accused me of doing stuff I didn’t do. Another person couldn’t get anything straight.
They grudgingly agreed to let me return the nearly-new gadget that wasn’t working, but the return process was complicated and involved warnings that if I didn’t do it EXACTLY right, they would refuse to repair it. Next, I had to order some catalog items. After the order was complete, the clerk tried to sell me stuff I didn’t want. When I declined, she argued with me.
When I finally finished, I realized that for these companies, I was the enemy.
This wasn’t always the case. At one time, successful businesses considered their customers to be assets. Their goal was to provide what customers wanted and needed. They knew that keeping customers was important if they were to stay in business. The understanding was, “we provide what you want and need, we make you happy, and you’ll tell your friends and come back next time.” Customer service was the basis for everything they did.
The change seemed to happen in the 1980’s, about the time Gordon Gekko announced in the movie Wall Street that “greed is good”. Now the goal is to make as much money as possible. The customers are just an obstacle, stubbornly holding back money from the business, so they must force us to give it up. Corporations have made us into enemies by deciding that their interests are not the same as our interests.
Many procedures are clearly planned to be so complicated, such a hassle, that we will give up and quit trying. I have seen health insurers do this – they deny coverage for legitimate conditions, then make the appeals process complicated so people give up rather than pursue the appeal. We feel the hostility when we deal with these companies. It definitely does not contribute to having peace.
This experience, and my resulting lack of peace, set me thinking about what I could do to not be an enemy. I think I have come up with a solution.
I decided I will send these two companies a letter or email and tell them I’m not going to do business with them any more because they treat their customers like enemies.
Then I wondered what would happen if we all did that. I’ll have to admit that the idea makes me smile.
They grudgingly agreed to let me return the nearly-new gadget that wasn’t working, but the return process was complicated and involved warnings that if I didn’t do it EXACTLY right, they would refuse to repair it. Next, I had to order some catalog items. After the order was complete, the clerk tried to sell me stuff I didn’t want. When I declined, she argued with me.
When I finally finished, I realized that for these companies, I was the enemy.
This wasn’t always the case. At one time, successful businesses considered their customers to be assets. Their goal was to provide what customers wanted and needed. They knew that keeping customers was important if they were to stay in business. The understanding was, “we provide what you want and need, we make you happy, and you’ll tell your friends and come back next time.” Customer service was the basis for everything they did.
The change seemed to happen in the 1980’s, about the time Gordon Gekko announced in the movie Wall Street that “greed is good”. Now the goal is to make as much money as possible. The customers are just an obstacle, stubbornly holding back money from the business, so they must force us to give it up. Corporations have made us into enemies by deciding that their interests are not the same as our interests.
Many procedures are clearly planned to be so complicated, such a hassle, that we will give up and quit trying. I have seen health insurers do this – they deny coverage for legitimate conditions, then make the appeals process complicated so people give up rather than pursue the appeal. We feel the hostility when we deal with these companies. It definitely does not contribute to having peace.
This experience, and my resulting lack of peace, set me thinking about what I could do to not be an enemy. I think I have come up with a solution.
I decided I will send these two companies a letter or email and tell them I’m not going to do business with them any more because they treat their customers like enemies.
Then I wondered what would happen if we all did that. I’ll have to admit that the idea makes me smile.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
March 20 Archetypes
Martha posted this comment on March 16:
I tried to read your blogs on the archetypes but the feminist in me finds the Warrior, Wizard, Hero all so very wearisomely male. Being a pagan I prefer the traditional pagan Maiden, Mother, & Crone. When you return from your rest you might give them some thought. They are so in keeping with the concept of peace...
Thanks for bringing this up, Martha. It raises some important issues. Archetypes are only useful if we find them helpful, and we don’t all find meaning in the same way.
For me, they can be of value in a couple of ways. They can be descriptive, allowing us to recognize the pattern we have been following. (“Oh, so that’s what I’ve been doing.”) Or they can serve as a guide, a model for ways we can make our lives different.
The reason the Warrior seems so tedious to many of us is that the world is in the grip of the shadow Warrior. We have done it to death, over and over, and we don’t seem to be learning its lessons. I suspect that you are looking for the same thing I am looking for; a way to move on.
I see two different groups of people who might be interested. One group would be those who can see the downside of the Warrior and want something different. Your suggestion of the Maiden, Mother, and Crone may be what they are looking for.
I am not as worried about that group. Those who are looking will probably find what they need, sooner or later. The group I am more concerned about are those who are stuck in the Warrior. For those who believe the Warrior is the top of the Winner Ladder, there is nothing beyond. For them, this is the highest one can aspire to, to spend every day trying desperately not to be a loser. They believe they have no choice but to always fight: every dragon must be slain. And since Warriors run most of our institutions and our businesses, what they do affects all of us.
I don’t think the answer is to give up being a Warrior or never learn Warrior skills. That leads to living in fear – fear of bullies or anyone who is strong and threatens. The journey calls us to move through the Warrior, while retaining Warrior skills.
Carol Pearson prefers to use gender-neutral language for her archetypal framework. I agree with this strategy. I believe men’s and women’s journeys are becoming more and more similar as time goes along, and while they are not identical, the resulting wisdom is universal. You might prefer Pearson’s more in-depth framework of 12 archetypes in Awakening the Heroes Within: Twelve Archetypes to Help Us Find Ourselves and Transform Our World: the Innocent, Orphan, Seeker, Lover, Creator, Destroyer, Warrior, Caregiver, Magician, Sage, Ruler, and Jester.
Most men would not identify with the archetypes of the Maiden, Mother and Crone. Nor would a woman in midlife who does not have children or who has to multitask, dealing with a Warrior-world job and other stresses. The Crone has an image problem. We associate it with being physically unattractive – the Halloween cartoon witch. Even the Mother archetype has a shadow side: think of the nosy, domineering mother, or the Texas mother who tried to murder her daughter’s cheerleading rival.
I prefer to use a framework that has more general appeal, and particularly one that makes sense to those stuck in the shadow Warrior. And I think we need to understand the Warrior in order to move beyond it.
It is not my intent to turn this into a Jungian theory blog, and I promise to get back to more practical posts. But you raise some good points. I hope my response is helpful.
I tried to read your blogs on the archetypes but the feminist in me finds the Warrior, Wizard, Hero all so very wearisomely male. Being a pagan I prefer the traditional pagan Maiden, Mother, & Crone. When you return from your rest you might give them some thought. They are so in keeping with the concept of peace...
Thanks for bringing this up, Martha. It raises some important issues. Archetypes are only useful if we find them helpful, and we don’t all find meaning in the same way.
For me, they can be of value in a couple of ways. They can be descriptive, allowing us to recognize the pattern we have been following. (“Oh, so that’s what I’ve been doing.”) Or they can serve as a guide, a model for ways we can make our lives different.
The reason the Warrior seems so tedious to many of us is that the world is in the grip of the shadow Warrior. We have done it to death, over and over, and we don’t seem to be learning its lessons. I suspect that you are looking for the same thing I am looking for; a way to move on.
I see two different groups of people who might be interested. One group would be those who can see the downside of the Warrior and want something different. Your suggestion of the Maiden, Mother, and Crone may be what they are looking for.
I am not as worried about that group. Those who are looking will probably find what they need, sooner or later. The group I am more concerned about are those who are stuck in the Warrior. For those who believe the Warrior is the top of the Winner Ladder, there is nothing beyond. For them, this is the highest one can aspire to, to spend every day trying desperately not to be a loser. They believe they have no choice but to always fight: every dragon must be slain. And since Warriors run most of our institutions and our businesses, what they do affects all of us.
I don’t think the answer is to give up being a Warrior or never learn Warrior skills. That leads to living in fear – fear of bullies or anyone who is strong and threatens. The journey calls us to move through the Warrior, while retaining Warrior skills.
Carol Pearson prefers to use gender-neutral language for her archetypal framework. I agree with this strategy. I believe men’s and women’s journeys are becoming more and more similar as time goes along, and while they are not identical, the resulting wisdom is universal. You might prefer Pearson’s more in-depth framework of 12 archetypes in Awakening the Heroes Within: Twelve Archetypes to Help Us Find Ourselves and Transform Our World: the Innocent, Orphan, Seeker, Lover, Creator, Destroyer, Warrior, Caregiver, Magician, Sage, Ruler, and Jester.
Most men would not identify with the archetypes of the Maiden, Mother and Crone. Nor would a woman in midlife who does not have children or who has to multitask, dealing with a Warrior-world job and other stresses. The Crone has an image problem. We associate it with being physically unattractive – the Halloween cartoon witch. Even the Mother archetype has a shadow side: think of the nosy, domineering mother, or the Texas mother who tried to murder her daughter’s cheerleading rival.
I prefer to use a framework that has more general appeal, and particularly one that makes sense to those stuck in the shadow Warrior. And I think we need to understand the Warrior in order to move beyond it.
It is not my intent to turn this into a Jungian theory blog, and I promise to get back to more practical posts. But you raise some good points. I hope my response is helpful.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
March 19 Dragons
J.R.R. Tolkien, the author of the Lord of the Rings trilogy, wrote a lesser-known story, Farmer Giles of Ham. In the story, Farmer Giles lived in a place called the Middle Kingdom, where a giant had been trampling on animals and buildings. He shot at the giant, chasing him away. Because the giant had done so much damage, Farmer Giles became the Hero of the Countryside. The townspeople cheered, and the King even sent congratulations, along with a belt and an old sword he found lying around the armory.
When the giant returned home to his land far away, he told stories of his travels, which he embellished a bit. The dragons listened to his stories, and one dragon decided to pay a visit to the Middle Kingdom.
The dragon also brought destruction. He burned up the crops, destroyed buildings, and took animals. Most people stayed inside their houses, but the parson came out and tried to convince the dragon to mend his evil ways. Instead, he ate the parson.
Farmer Giles discovered that the sword the king had given him had a name – Tailbiter – and that it had belonged to a great dragon-slayer. No dragon could resist it when it was in the hands of a brave man. Farmer Giles went after the dragon and, wielding Tailbiter, wounded his wing so that he could not fly.
Although the dragon said, “Knights always kill dragons, if we don’t kill them first,” Farmer Giles didn’t kill him. Instead, he went into the dragon’s cave and took his treasure, which would pay for the damage to the town. He strapped the treasure onto the dragon’s back and they walked back to the Middle Kingdom. People came to see the dragon Farmer Giles had captured, and he became very rich. He was the Darling of the Land.
When the giant returned home to his land far away, he told stories of his travels, which he embellished a bit. The dragons listened to his stories, and one dragon decided to pay a visit to the Middle Kingdom.
The dragon also brought destruction. He burned up the crops, destroyed buildings, and took animals. Most people stayed inside their houses, but the parson came out and tried to convince the dragon to mend his evil ways. Instead, he ate the parson.
Farmer Giles discovered that the sword the king had given him had a name – Tailbiter – and that it had belonged to a great dragon-slayer. No dragon could resist it when it was in the hands of a brave man. Farmer Giles went after the dragon and, wielding Tailbiter, wounded his wing so that he could not fly.
Although the dragon said, “Knights always kill dragons, if we don’t kill them first,” Farmer Giles didn’t kill him. Instead, he went into the dragon’s cave and took his treasure, which would pay for the damage to the town. He strapped the treasure onto the dragon’s back and they walked back to the Middle Kingdom. People came to see the dragon Farmer Giles had captured, and he became very rich. He was the Darling of the Land.
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