You have noticed that this blog is titled “365 Ways to Live in Peace”. But this is a leap year, so it has 366 days. Since today is an extra day, I thought I would take a day off and let you, the readers, write the post. So I am announcing a contest.
Today’s topic is “Peace is Funny”. For too long we have thought peace was a serious issue, suitable only for boring speeches and sermons and dry academic papers. No wonder we haven’t solved the problem – who can stay awake for that stuff?
So I am inviting you to submit a joke or funny story about peace. The prize is eternal fame, or at least as much fame as you gain from having your story and your name posted on this blog.
There are only two rules, unless I make up some more rules later. First, this is a family blog. Keep it clean.
Second, no stories about how peace is difficult, how impossible it is to have peace on earth, etc.
Send your entries to 365Peace@gmail.com
You can enter as many times as you want.
And yes, peace is funny.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Feb 28 The Downside of Fighting
Our health care system is devoted to the heroic fight against death and disease. We have had many dramatic successes, particularly against infectious diseases, which lend themselves well to the fighting model. When we have an infection, foreign enemies, the bacteria, invade our bodies and cause the disease. We fight them off, chase them away, and the disease is gone.
But this model doesn’t work as well with chronic diseases. We can’t make them go away – we have to live with them. There are no invaders, so we end up fighting our own bodies. Long-term fighting is exhausting, both for the person with the disease and health care providers.
Our heroic fight against death has its downside also. We insist that people fight against dying and we praise those who never give up. But this means that when someone is dying they can’t acknowledge the truth. Very often the family won’t admit that they are dying, so they don’t have an opportunity to say goodbye or to get their affairs in order. If they are very unlucky their health care providers and even friends will avoid talking to them. After all, those who are dying have “lost the battle”.
It is not a problem that our health care system is able to fight. The problem is that we want to fight everything. We are fighting against death, a battle we will eventually lose every time.
We need to come up with a concept of health care that includes much more than fighting. And we need to admit that death is part of life and focus more on how to do it gracefully.
But this model doesn’t work as well with chronic diseases. We can’t make them go away – we have to live with them. There are no invaders, so we end up fighting our own bodies. Long-term fighting is exhausting, both for the person with the disease and health care providers.
Our heroic fight against death has its downside also. We insist that people fight against dying and we praise those who never give up. But this means that when someone is dying they can’t acknowledge the truth. Very often the family won’t admit that they are dying, so they don’t have an opportunity to say goodbye or to get their affairs in order. If they are very unlucky their health care providers and even friends will avoid talking to them. After all, those who are dying have “lost the battle”.
It is not a problem that our health care system is able to fight. The problem is that we want to fight everything. We are fighting against death, a battle we will eventually lose every time.
We need to come up with a concept of health care that includes much more than fighting. And we need to admit that death is part of life and focus more on how to do it gracefully.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Feb 27 Alternatives to Fighting
Many divorcing couples, especially those with children, use divorce mediation as a way to avoid the problems of hostile, win-lose court battles, which can be expensive and emotionally scarring. Mediation is becoming a valuable alternative to fighting in other areas also, such as neighborhood disputes, but divorce mediation is particularly popular. The legal profession is beginning to recognize the advantage of having people resolve differences themselves rather than fighting in court.
This mediation process is different from that in business, where an arbitrator may hear both sides and then make a decision. The mediation process for divorce or other interpersonal situation is more like an extended conversation. The goal is to find a solution both parties can live with.
In the mediation process, the parties are not enemies; instead, they are collaborators. They do not have to like each other – they can be angry and hurt – but they must treat each other civilly. Each retains what is most important to them and may give up something that they find less important.
The process requires respect for the opinions and position of the other as well as respect for one’s own needs and preferences. It is a process with no fighting and no losers.
This mediation process is different from that in business, where an arbitrator may hear both sides and then make a decision. The mediation process for divorce or other interpersonal situation is more like an extended conversation. The goal is to find a solution both parties can live with.
In the mediation process, the parties are not enemies; instead, they are collaborators. They do not have to like each other – they can be angry and hurt – but they must treat each other civilly. Each retains what is most important to them and may give up something that they find less important.
The process requires respect for the opinions and position of the other as well as respect for one’s own needs and preferences. It is a process with no fighting and no losers.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Feb 26 The Downside of Fighting
We live in a culture that is addicted to fighting. We fight when fighting is bad for us. We fight when it is not in our best interest, or when it doesn’t even make sense.
As with any addiction, we fight because it makes us feel better at the moment. Fighting makes unpleasant feelings go away temporarily, but in the long term our problems return and even get worse.
Many of our institutions are based on fighting, as Deborah Tannen describes in her book The Argument Culture: Stopping America’s War of Words. For example, child custody cases are often decided by having the two parents fight in court. This process creates enemies where once there were only two people with different opinions. The parents may believe, probably correctly, that in order to win the fight they have to disparage the other parent. The anger and resentment from this process may last a lifetime. In this process everyone loses, especially the child.
We will always have problems. In order to live in peace we must look for solutions that do not require fighting.
As with any addiction, we fight because it makes us feel better at the moment. Fighting makes unpleasant feelings go away temporarily, but in the long term our problems return and even get worse.
Many of our institutions are based on fighting, as Deborah Tannen describes in her book The Argument Culture: Stopping America’s War of Words. For example, child custody cases are often decided by having the two parents fight in court. This process creates enemies where once there were only two people with different opinions. The parents may believe, probably correctly, that in order to win the fight they have to disparage the other parent. The anger and resentment from this process may last a lifetime. In this process everyone loses, especially the child.
We will always have problems. In order to live in peace we must look for solutions that do not require fighting.
Monday, February 25, 2008
Feb 25 The Winner Ladder
For those who live by the Winner Ladder, life is like a sports tournament, where everything is a competition.
The Winner Ladder is a powerful influence on many of us, perhaps most of us. We spend a lot of energy worrying about whether we measure up.
We have many ways of measuring whether or not we’re winners:
we compare positions on a career ladder, or we compare looks;
we measure our status by money or possessions;
we judge others by the car they drive.
Even dying is for losers – those who live longer are winners.
For the Winner Ladder, you are not judged by who you are, but instead by what you drive or how you look. Your position on the ladder defines you.
The Winner Ladder is an obstacle to peace for many.
Today think about one area of your life where you worry about whether you measure up.
For a few minutes, look at it objectively. Does it seem a little silly to worry about this?
The Winner Ladder is a powerful influence on many of us, perhaps most of us. We spend a lot of energy worrying about whether we measure up.
We have many ways of measuring whether or not we’re winners:
we compare positions on a career ladder, or we compare looks;
we measure our status by money or possessions;
we judge others by the car they drive.
Even dying is for losers – those who live longer are winners.
For the Winner Ladder, you are not judged by who you are, but instead by what you drive or how you look. Your position on the ladder defines you.
The Winner Ladder is an obstacle to peace for many.
Today think about one area of your life where you worry about whether you measure up.
For a few minutes, look at it objectively. Does it seem a little silly to worry about this?
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Feb 24 Safety
Many people live their lives focused on being safe.
While it is wise to have some measure of safety, it is possible to be too safe.
Those who are overly concerned with being safe risk living a life limited by fear: fear of the unknown, or fear of loss. They may fear being wrong, or trying something and failing.
But the real risk is not being really alive. Life was not meant to be lived behind barricaded doors, whether physical doors or emotional ones. We have a need for adventure, for seeing what we can accomplish, for creating. When we don’t honor that need, we may have a sense of emptiness. This feeling of lack is not the same as peace – it is, in fact, the opposite of peace.
We can never live entirely risk-free. There is always some risk in the process of living. That is how we learn about ourselves and how we grow.
Today do one small thing that involves a risk. Start a conversation with someone you don’t know, try a new food, tell someone you admire them. Afterwards, check your feelings to see how taking the risk affected you.
While it is wise to have some measure of safety, it is possible to be too safe.
Those who are overly concerned with being safe risk living a life limited by fear: fear of the unknown, or fear of loss. They may fear being wrong, or trying something and failing.
But the real risk is not being really alive. Life was not meant to be lived behind barricaded doors, whether physical doors or emotional ones. We have a need for adventure, for seeing what we can accomplish, for creating. When we don’t honor that need, we may have a sense of emptiness. This feeling of lack is not the same as peace – it is, in fact, the opposite of peace.
We can never live entirely risk-free. There is always some risk in the process of living. That is how we learn about ourselves and how we grow.
Today do one small thing that involves a risk. Start a conversation with someone you don’t know, try a new food, tell someone you admire them. Afterwards, check your feelings to see how taking the risk affected you.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Feb 23 Getting Older
For many people, fear of getting older is an obstacle to peace.
We spend a lot of effort trying to stay young – a doomed effort, of course, because we all get older.
Historically, we are an aberration. Other traditional cultures respect their elders for their wisdom and their accomplishments. Ancestors are honored and even worshiped.
I believe this is related to our preference for warriors. When we value winning over everything else, we admire strength. We value youth more than wisdom.
And so we get the youth-worshiping culture we have: shallow, short-sighted, with lots of muscle and little intellect. Immaturity makes headlines rather than being a cause for shame.
Even our food is more entertainment than nourishment. Our culture is like the movie “Home Alone”, where the adults are gone and we can do anything we want.
I am not an anthropologist and I don’t know this for certain. But I suspect that peaceful cultures have respect for their older members.
What if we looked at aging as a gift rather than a tragedy?
Today think of one thing you have learned from life that you didn’t know when you were younger.
We spend a lot of effort trying to stay young – a doomed effort, of course, because we all get older.
Historically, we are an aberration. Other traditional cultures respect their elders for their wisdom and their accomplishments. Ancestors are honored and even worshiped.
I believe this is related to our preference for warriors. When we value winning over everything else, we admire strength. We value youth more than wisdom.
And so we get the youth-worshiping culture we have: shallow, short-sighted, with lots of muscle and little intellect. Immaturity makes headlines rather than being a cause for shame.
Even our food is more entertainment than nourishment. Our culture is like the movie “Home Alone”, where the adults are gone and we can do anything we want.
I am not an anthropologist and I don’t know this for certain. But I suspect that peaceful cultures have respect for their older members.
What if we looked at aging as a gift rather than a tragedy?
Today think of one thing you have learned from life that you didn’t know when you were younger.
Friday, February 22, 2008
Feb 22 Clutter
Many of us have schedules cluttered with activities. Some of those activities feel like burdens, like onerous chores. Maybe we got into those commitments voluntarily – we thought that we would enjoy them, that we would benefit from them, or that they would be worthwhile.
But most of us have time commitments that are merely obligations. These are the things we believe we must do. Perhaps we have family commitments, things we promised our friends we would do, or activities we think will benefit our children.
It is hard to find peace in our lives when we spend time and energy on things we don’t find beneficial, things that we do merely out of guilt.
Clearing out the schedule-clutter is more difficult when we are doing things we feel we have to do. But it may be essential in order to have peace.
Today, look at your schedule and pick one thing you do from a sense of obligation. Does this activity add to your life?
But most of us have time commitments that are merely obligations. These are the things we believe we must do. Perhaps we have family commitments, things we promised our friends we would do, or activities we think will benefit our children.
It is hard to find peace in our lives when we spend time and energy on things we don’t find beneficial, things that we do merely out of guilt.
Clearing out the schedule-clutter is more difficult when we are doing things we feel we have to do. But it may be essential in order to have peace.
Today, look at your schedule and pick one thing you do from a sense of obligation. Does this activity add to your life?
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Feb 21 Definition of Peace, Part 3
Peace is the absence of fear.
Fear keeps us focused on the future, on some dreaded event that may never happen. But when we are focused on the future we are not present in our lives now.
Those who let themselves be guided by fear will find that it has a cost. Fear of making mistakes keeps us from being creative. Fear of other people keeps us from working in harmony with them.
Because fear clouds our judgment, decisions we make when we are fearful may not serve us well.
Fear can be contagious, and it is hard to avoid in this world. In order to have peace we will have to learn to ignore it, overcome it, or perhaps just laugh at it.
Today, notice when those around you are acting out of fear.
Fear keeps us focused on the future, on some dreaded event that may never happen. But when we are focused on the future we are not present in our lives now.
Those who let themselves be guided by fear will find that it has a cost. Fear of making mistakes keeps us from being creative. Fear of other people keeps us from working in harmony with them.
Because fear clouds our judgment, decisions we make when we are fearful may not serve us well.
Fear can be contagious, and it is hard to avoid in this world. In order to have peace we will have to learn to ignore it, overcome it, or perhaps just laugh at it.
Today, notice when those around you are acting out of fear.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Feb 20 Perspective
Do you ever feel like a rat in a maze, lost in the everydayness that most of us live in most of the time? It helps to look at our lives from a bird’s-eye perspective, to stand outside ourselves and get a better view.
When we stand outside our lives we can see where we are headed. We recognize when we are going in circles. We see whether we are traveling in the direction we really want to go.
There are many ways to get a new perspective. Some people can do it through meditation. Other people use a therapist or spiritual counselor to look at their lives from a new angle. Or a perceptive friend can help you see yourself in a different light.
Books are a time-honored way to see things from a new direction.
A vacation can help by taking us out of the routine so we can see more clearly.
You may want to find ways to get a new way to look at your life, to allow you to truly see where it is going and what your alternatives are.
Today, think about ways you could get a different perspective on your life.
When we stand outside our lives we can see where we are headed. We recognize when we are going in circles. We see whether we are traveling in the direction we really want to go.
There are many ways to get a new perspective. Some people can do it through meditation. Other people use a therapist or spiritual counselor to look at their lives from a new angle. Or a perceptive friend can help you see yourself in a different light.
Books are a time-honored way to see things from a new direction.
A vacation can help by taking us out of the routine so we can see more clearly.
You may want to find ways to get a new way to look at your life, to allow you to truly see where it is going and what your alternatives are.
Today, think about ways you could get a different perspective on your life.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Feb 19 Assertiveness
I recently read an article which described someone as “way too assertive.” I found this startling and a bit confusing. To a mental health professional, it is impossible to be overly assertive.
Assertiveness means standing up for ourselves, speaking out for what we need, having a voice. It means when someone is standing on your toes you say so, and you do it without fighting.
To be assertive is not the same as being aggressive. Aggressiveness is using force, battling, intruding on another’s boundaries. Those who are aggressive stand on someone else’s toes.
Being aggressive is the opposite of being passive. Passiveness is reluctance to speak up, remaining quiet even when problems exist. It means giving in, no matter what the cost. Many assume that being passive is the only alternative to fighting.
But those who are passive likely won’t get what they need, and it is hard for someone to be at peace who doesn’t have basic necessities or feels unsafe.
We need to be assertive instead of passive so we can stand up for ourselves. We need to be assertive instead of aggressive so we don’t fight every time we need something. In order to have peace, it helps to be assertive.
Assertiveness means standing up for ourselves, speaking out for what we need, having a voice. It means when someone is standing on your toes you say so, and you do it without fighting.
To be assertive is not the same as being aggressive. Aggressiveness is using force, battling, intruding on another’s boundaries. Those who are aggressive stand on someone else’s toes.
Being aggressive is the opposite of being passive. Passiveness is reluctance to speak up, remaining quiet even when problems exist. It means giving in, no matter what the cost. Many assume that being passive is the only alternative to fighting.
But those who are passive likely won’t get what they need, and it is hard for someone to be at peace who doesn’t have basic necessities or feels unsafe.
We need to be assertive instead of passive so we can stand up for ourselves. We need to be assertive instead of aggressive so we don’t fight every time we need something. In order to have peace, it helps to be assertive.
Monday, February 18, 2008
Feb 18 Forgiveness
When we hang onto old wounds, they can be an obstacle to peace. It is easier to live in peace when we can forgive.
When we forgive others, we are not saying that their actions didn’t harm us or disturb us. It is not as if the event didn’t happen. We are saying that the event was in the past and we choose not to carry it event into the future. We let go of it.
When we forgive, we are not doing it for the other person; we are doing it for ourselves. When we carry baggage from the past, we are impairing our ability to live in the present.
Today, can you think of someone you found it hard to forgive? What would it take for you to decide that you will forgive them and let go of the past?
When we forgive others, we are not saying that their actions didn’t harm us or disturb us. It is not as if the event didn’t happen. We are saying that the event was in the past and we choose not to carry it event into the future. We let go of it.
When we forgive, we are not doing it for the other person; we are doing it for ourselves. When we carry baggage from the past, we are impairing our ability to live in the present.
Today, can you think of someone you found it hard to forgive? What would it take for you to decide that you will forgive them and let go of the past?
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Feb 17 Peace in the Family
A family is a collection of different personalities who have to somehow figure out how to live together. Because people don’t always agree, family members must manage despite different opinions and preferences.
How does your family deal with those differences?
Sometimes a person is called a “peacemaker” who gives in, who gives up what they wanted.
But can a person who never has a voice live in peace? How can anyone be at peace who has no say in important decisions about their life?
Today, consider this question: Is everyone in your family, including children, allowed to express an opinion? Does one person always give in?
How does your family deal with those differences?
Sometimes a person is called a “peacemaker” who gives in, who gives up what they wanted.
But can a person who never has a voice live in peace? How can anyone be at peace who has no say in important decisions about their life?
Today, consider this question: Is everyone in your family, including children, allowed to express an opinion? Does one person always give in?
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Feb 16 Your Support System
Who is your support system?
Who understands you?
Who can you rely on?
When we are afraid of future problems we don’t have peace. None of us can know what is in store for us. But we can know who to call if we have problems. We can know who will be there for us.
It helps if you can be clear on who your support system is.
If they’re supposed to be supportive but aren’t, they don’t count.
If you can’t rely on them or they aren’t very helpful they are not your support system.
Those who provide your support system may not be able to fix the problem, but then again, they might. At the very least they can be there to listen.
Your support system is helpful to your living in peace.
Today, think about who you can count on.
Who understands you?
Who can you rely on?
When we are afraid of future problems we don’t have peace. None of us can know what is in store for us. But we can know who to call if we have problems. We can know who will be there for us.
It helps if you can be clear on who your support system is.
If they’re supposed to be supportive but aren’t, they don’t count.
If you can’t rely on them or they aren’t very helpful they are not your support system.
Those who provide your support system may not be able to fix the problem, but then again, they might. At the very least they can be there to listen.
Your support system is helpful to your living in peace.
Today, think about who you can count on.
Friday, February 15, 2008
Feb 15 Definition of Peace, Part 2
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. Was it worth it?
Mohandas Gandhi
Peace is the absence of worry.
This is an era of change, and many people respond to change with worry.
We worry about what people think of us, we worry about money, we worry about things that haven’t happened yet and things that we can’t do anything about.
Worrying is not the same as preparing. Preparing is working in the present for a better outcome in the future. Worrying is living in the future, imagining the worst.
Preparing produces a plan. Worry doesn’t produce anything except more worry.
We eventually finish preparing; worrying can take us around in circles forever.
Today, identify one thing you worry about. Has your worrying made a difference?
Mohandas Gandhi
Peace is the absence of worry.
This is an era of change, and many people respond to change with worry.
We worry about what people think of us, we worry about money, we worry about things that haven’t happened yet and things that we can’t do anything about.
Worrying is not the same as preparing. Preparing is working in the present for a better outcome in the future. Worrying is living in the future, imagining the worst.
Preparing produces a plan. Worry doesn’t produce anything except more worry.
We eventually finish preparing; worrying can take us around in circles forever.
Today, identify one thing you worry about. Has your worrying made a difference?
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Feb 14 Peace on the Job
Do you have a toxic job?
Or does your job add to your peace?
Many of us spend more time at work than we spend with our families. This is a big chunk of our lives.
You may have found that when you work with a wonderful bunch of people it can make a tedious job pleasant. But when your colleagues are backbiting or hostile, when coworkers complain, compete, or slough off work that you end up doing for them, when you work in a climate of fear, nastiness and constant griping, your job is an obstacle to peace.
Do you think you are stuck, with no options?
The world is changing quickly, and the kind of work we do is changing with it. This is a good time to think outside the box.
If you think creatively, if you are open to new ideas and willing to learn new skills, you may find new possibilities. It is possible to have a job that adds to your peace.
If you have a toxic job, think about alternatives to staying in that job.
Or does your job add to your peace?
Many of us spend more time at work than we spend with our families. This is a big chunk of our lives.
You may have found that when you work with a wonderful bunch of people it can make a tedious job pleasant. But when your colleagues are backbiting or hostile, when coworkers complain, compete, or slough off work that you end up doing for them, when you work in a climate of fear, nastiness and constant griping, your job is an obstacle to peace.
Do you think you are stuck, with no options?
The world is changing quickly, and the kind of work we do is changing with it. This is a good time to think outside the box.
If you think creatively, if you are open to new ideas and willing to learn new skills, you may find new possibilities. It is possible to have a job that adds to your peace.
If you have a toxic job, think about alternatives to staying in that job.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Feb 13 Peace and the Senses
All our senses affect us.
Sounds make a difference in our having peace.
We live in a world with lots of noise, and this noise can be an obstacle to peace. Noisy, irritating sounds can raise our stress levels.
Other sounds can be calming. Listening to birds or chirping crickets or to ocean waves can be relaxing. The Tibetans and other ancient cultures had items made of crystal or bronze that resonated at a frequency they used for healing (look up “singing bowls”).
For most of us, making changes in the sounds around us can make a big difference in our sense of peace with little expense and trouble. I have found noise-canceling headphones to be a godsend. They are essential on airplanes, but also in noisy hotel rooms or when neighbors are loud, or other places where noise is a problem.
The next time you are in a music store look at the relaxation CD’s. Pick one that you would find calming. Listen to those sounds for ten minutes twice a day and see what a difference it makes in your day.
Sounds make a difference in our having peace.
We live in a world with lots of noise, and this noise can be an obstacle to peace. Noisy, irritating sounds can raise our stress levels.
Other sounds can be calming. Listening to birds or chirping crickets or to ocean waves can be relaxing. The Tibetans and other ancient cultures had items made of crystal or bronze that resonated at a frequency they used for healing (look up “singing bowls”).
For most of us, making changes in the sounds around us can make a big difference in our sense of peace with little expense and trouble. I have found noise-canceling headphones to be a godsend. They are essential on airplanes, but also in noisy hotel rooms or when neighbors are loud, or other places where noise is a problem.
The next time you are in a music store look at the relaxation CD’s. Pick one that you would find calming. Listen to those sounds for ten minutes twice a day and see what a difference it makes in your day.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Feb 12 Fighting
Living in peace is not the same as being passive. At times we choose not to fight, opting instead for peace. This is not because we are weak and powerless. We may walk away from a fight because the cost is too high, or because the prize is too small. We may decide that the battle is not worth our energy. We may not want to make the other into an enemy. Or we may prefer a situation where neither side loses.
This is an important point, and the cause of much misunderstanding. Strong, powerful people may walk away from a fight when that is the wiser course of action. They walk away because they choose to do so, not because they are weak.
Those who are strong do not have to prove their strength to anyone.
This is an important point, and the cause of much misunderstanding. Strong, powerful people may walk away from a fight when that is the wiser course of action. They walk away because they choose to do so, not because they are weak.
Those who are strong do not have to prove their strength to anyone.
Monday, February 11, 2008
Feb 11 Living Large
Many of us are living small lives.
We have reduced our expectations, reduced our aspirations.
We want to do things, do more, be more than we are, but we stay where we are.
Maybe it is because of fear, because of lack of time or money, or because we don’t want to take risks.
Sometimes it is inertia. We get settled into the rut we’re in and don’t want to move out of it.
Maybe family or friends don’t want us to live a larger life. It would make them uncomfortable; change would make them uneasy.
Meanwhile we have a vague sense of something missing, a sense of not being really at home, that is an obstacle to having peace.
What if we all dared to live big lives?
Today, ask yourself who you would be if you fulfilled all your potential.
We have reduced our expectations, reduced our aspirations.
We want to do things, do more, be more than we are, but we stay where we are.
Maybe it is because of fear, because of lack of time or money, or because we don’t want to take risks.
Sometimes it is inertia. We get settled into the rut we’re in and don’t want to move out of it.
Maybe family or friends don’t want us to live a larger life. It would make them uncomfortable; change would make them uneasy.
Meanwhile we have a vague sense of something missing, a sense of not being really at home, that is an obstacle to having peace.
What if we all dared to live big lives?
Today, ask yourself who you would be if you fulfilled all your potential.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Feb 10 peace = money?
If we lived in a world that valued peace, who would be the highest paid?
The highest-paid people now are business warriors, entertainers, and sports warriors. If we valued peace more than we valued fighting, who would be paid the most?
Maybe creative people, or people who come into angry, hostile situations and help find peaceful solutions – mediators.
Here’s a thought – what about people who care for children?
Or musicians (“music hath charms to soothe the savage beast”).
Maybe some athletes would still be highly paid, those in sports that stress individual development, grace, and strength.
Those who develop new technology to grow food?
I think people who make us laugh would still be on the list.
Today, think about your answer to this question:
If we could decide who in our society is most highly paid, what would we choose?
The highest-paid people now are business warriors, entertainers, and sports warriors. If we valued peace more than we valued fighting, who would be paid the most?
Maybe creative people, or people who come into angry, hostile situations and help find peaceful solutions – mediators.
Here’s a thought – what about people who care for children?
Or musicians (“music hath charms to soothe the savage beast”).
Maybe some athletes would still be highly paid, those in sports that stress individual development, grace, and strength.
Those who develop new technology to grow food?
I think people who make us laugh would still be on the list.
Today, think about your answer to this question:
If we could decide who in our society is most highly paid, what would we choose?
Saturday, February 9, 2008
Feb 9 Lighten Up
It is said that the reason angels can fly is that they take themselves lightly. If we are to have more peace in our lives it will help to lighten up.
If we really look at all the heavy loads in our lives, most of us carry one or two that really don’t belong to us, that are someone else’s burden. If each of us let go of the burdens that really aren’t our own, that are not necessary or aren’t worth the energy cost, we would be lighter.
Most of us would be lighter if we could let go of the judgments we lay on ourselves. We are hard on ourselves. We tend to blame ourselves for things that we have no control over. We judge ourselves for not measuring up to some ideal, for our presumed status on the Winner Ladder. If we quit beating ourselves up, we would have more peace in our lives.
Today, think about the burdens you carry. Ask yourself whether you can reduce those burdens and travel lighter.
If we really look at all the heavy loads in our lives, most of us carry one or two that really don’t belong to us, that are someone else’s burden. If each of us let go of the burdens that really aren’t our own, that are not necessary or aren’t worth the energy cost, we would be lighter.
Most of us would be lighter if we could let go of the judgments we lay on ourselves. We are hard on ourselves. We tend to blame ourselves for things that we have no control over. We judge ourselves for not measuring up to some ideal, for our presumed status on the Winner Ladder. If we quit beating ourselves up, we would have more peace in our lives.
Today, think about the burdens you carry. Ask yourself whether you can reduce those burdens and travel lighter.
Friday, February 8, 2008
Feb 8 Definition of Peace, Part 1
Many definitions have been given for peace. The simplest definition has two forms.
Peace is defined as the absence of war. In this version of peace, when we have an opportunity to fight, we do not accept. The absence of war is the absence of action. We do nothing but walk away.
In the second definition, peace is the opposite of war. Given the opportunity to fight, we take an action that is the opposite of fighting. We solve the problem by some action other than fighting.
Both definitions are useful. Which version of peace we choose depends on the situation. For instance, if your coworkers try to involve you in an argument about something trivial you may choose to walk away. You choose not to fight and instead of fighting, you do nothing.
But if a potential fight is about an issue important to you, perhaps a disagreement with your neighbor about a fence on the property line, you may sit down and negotiate, looking for a win-win solution. You look to solve the problem in ways other than fighting.
Both choices are peaceful solutions which do not involve fighting.
Today, think about a situation in which you walked away from a fight or solved a problem without fighting. If you were in the same situation today, would you make the same choice?
Peace is defined as the absence of war. In this version of peace, when we have an opportunity to fight, we do not accept. The absence of war is the absence of action. We do nothing but walk away.
In the second definition, peace is the opposite of war. Given the opportunity to fight, we take an action that is the opposite of fighting. We solve the problem by some action other than fighting.
Both definitions are useful. Which version of peace we choose depends on the situation. For instance, if your coworkers try to involve you in an argument about something trivial you may choose to walk away. You choose not to fight and instead of fighting, you do nothing.
But if a potential fight is about an issue important to you, perhaps a disagreement with your neighbor about a fence on the property line, you may sit down and negotiate, looking for a win-win solution. You look to solve the problem in ways other than fighting.
Both choices are peaceful solutions which do not involve fighting.
Today, think about a situation in which you walked away from a fight or solved a problem without fighting. If you were in the same situation today, would you make the same choice?
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Feb 7 Energy
Most of us keep track of where our money goes, how much money we have, and what everything costs. But very few of us pay the same attention to our energy.
You may be like me – I often find I don’t have enough energy to do things that are important to me. Ideally, we would spend the most energy on things that are the most valuable to us, but that may not be easy to do.
Some people make us feel drained. People who are takers, who are needy or anxious, can be expensive to be around, measured by how much energy they cost us.
Some jobs are exhausting. Maybe you have had these jobs – I certainly have. At the end of a work day, you can’t say exactly what you accomplished, but you are completely out of energy.
Some locations can be draining. I find that noisy and chaotic places are tiring for me. This is different for everyone, but we all have places that take energy away and others that are restoring.
Today, think about the answer to these questions:
Who do you know that is draining?
What takes your energy away? What gives it back?
You may be like me – I often find I don’t have enough energy to do things that are important to me. Ideally, we would spend the most energy on things that are the most valuable to us, but that may not be easy to do.
Some people make us feel drained. People who are takers, who are needy or anxious, can be expensive to be around, measured by how much energy they cost us.
Some jobs are exhausting. Maybe you have had these jobs – I certainly have. At the end of a work day, you can’t say exactly what you accomplished, but you are completely out of energy.
Some locations can be draining. I find that noisy and chaotic places are tiring for me. This is different for everyone, but we all have places that take energy away and others that are restoring.
Today, think about the answer to these questions:
Who do you know that is draining?
What takes your energy away? What gives it back?
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Feb 6 Fixing the World
Some of us are forever trying to fix everything. We are always trying to fix other people’s lives or trying to fix all the things in the world that aren’t right.
The good news for those who are fixers is that they will never run out of things to do. There will always be plenty of things that are broken, lots of people with problems.
The bad news is that the need to fix everything can be an obstacle to peace. If you are one of those people, you will find that you are never finished – some new problem will always be tapping you on the shoulder. People will resist having their lives fixed and will continue to create new dramas. They may not agree with your solutions and may be upset with you for meddling, even if they invited you to help!
We may assume that we know what needs to be fixed and we know what other people need in their lives. But since none of us are omniscient, we are sometimes wrong.
It is important that we all have a stake in the world around us and try to make it better. But those who don’t take care of themselves will wear out.
If you are a fixer, you may want to limit what you try to fix and allow yourself time and emotional space to have peace in your own life. And you may want to consider whether fixing things adds to your peace or makes it harder.
The good news for those who are fixers is that they will never run out of things to do. There will always be plenty of things that are broken, lots of people with problems.
The bad news is that the need to fix everything can be an obstacle to peace. If you are one of those people, you will find that you are never finished – some new problem will always be tapping you on the shoulder. People will resist having their lives fixed and will continue to create new dramas. They may not agree with your solutions and may be upset with you for meddling, even if they invited you to help!
We may assume that we know what needs to be fixed and we know what other people need in their lives. But since none of us are omniscient, we are sometimes wrong.
It is important that we all have a stake in the world around us and try to make it better. But those who don’t take care of themselves will wear out.
If you are a fixer, you may want to limit what you try to fix and allow yourself time and emotional space to have peace in your own life. And you may want to consider whether fixing things adds to your peace or makes it harder.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Feb 5 Retrieving the Compass
Many of us drift through life on autopilot, busy with day-to-day stuff. We made our choices when we were younger, and now we are merely living out those choices.
We usually don’t look at where we’re headed; we do what is expected. We do what we did yesterday or last year. We do what our parents did. We do what our neighbors do. We drift along with the tide and then complain about the direction we’re going.
But we aren’t going to drift into peace. If we want peace in our own lives and in the world, if we want a better world for our children and their children, we will have to take back control of our lives. To have peace we may not have to struggle or fight, but we do need to make a decision.
We usually don’t look at where we’re headed; we do what is expected. We do what we did yesterday or last year. We do what our parents did. We do what our neighbors do. We drift along with the tide and then complain about the direction we’re going.
But we aren’t going to drift into peace. If we want peace in our own lives and in the world, if we want a better world for our children and their children, we will have to take back control of our lives. To have peace we may not have to struggle or fight, but we do need to make a decision.
Monday, February 4, 2008
Feb 4 Health
Worry about physical health is an obstacle to peace. Most of us need to stop worrying so much about health and instead make changes in our lives to take better care of ourselves. As with other changes, it may be easier to make adjustments gradually, in stages.
More physical exercise is important for health. We can walk instead of driving short distances and take the stairs instead of riding the elevator.
Most of us need to change our diet. We can gradually reduce animal products and add more plants, do more food preparation at home, look for restaurants and take-out places that have healthier food, figure out a way to drink more water.
If peace is the goal, it is important to make health a priority but not an obsession. Diet and exercise should add to our lives, not be a struggle or source of guilt.
Today, think of one small change you could make in your life to add to your health. Make the change or don’t make the change, but don’t worry about it.
More physical exercise is important for health. We can walk instead of driving short distances and take the stairs instead of riding the elevator.
Most of us need to change our diet. We can gradually reduce animal products and add more plants, do more food preparation at home, look for restaurants and take-out places that have healthier food, figure out a way to drink more water.
If peace is the goal, it is important to make health a priority but not an obsession. Diet and exercise should add to our lives, not be a struggle or source of guilt.
Today, think of one small change you could make in your life to add to your health. Make the change or don’t make the change, but don’t worry about it.
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Feb 3 Fighting
In this society, we consider warriors our heroes. A warrior’s greatest asset is strength, which is essential to fight the enemy. The warrior becomes a hero by winning the battle.
But the warrior is only one kind of hero. Some problems need warriors; others don’t. When your two-year-old won’t sleep, you don’t need a warrior; you need someone calming and reassuring. When you are at work and the client is upset, you don’t need a warrior; you need a diplomat.
Fighting is not the only way to be strong. You may need to stand your ground, but you don’t always need to fight.
Living in peace does not mean you have to be a doormat. It doesn’t mean you always give in. It means you can be strong without defeating someone else, without making the other into an enemy. Endurance, cleverness, wisdom, compassion, even stubborn determination – all are ways to be strong.
Today, think about times in your life when you were strong without fighting.
But the warrior is only one kind of hero. Some problems need warriors; others don’t. When your two-year-old won’t sleep, you don’t need a warrior; you need someone calming and reassuring. When you are at work and the client is upset, you don’t need a warrior; you need a diplomat.
Fighting is not the only way to be strong. You may need to stand your ground, but you don’t always need to fight.
Living in peace does not mean you have to be a doormat. It doesn’t mean you always give in. It means you can be strong without defeating someone else, without making the other into an enemy. Endurance, cleverness, wisdom, compassion, even stubborn determination – all are ways to be strong.
Today, think about times in your life when you were strong without fighting.
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Feb 2 Take the First Step
Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now.
Goethe
Many of us are procrastinators. We put off doing what we need to do, then scramble to meet deadlines. The list of things we haven’t done adds to our sense of guilt, providing one more way we don’t measure up.
People procrastinate for various reasons. A common reason is fear – fear of judgmental reactions from others, or fear of not doing a good job. Or we may put off starting something because we don’t know how we will finish it. We can’t see the end, so we don’t even start.
Those who have the courage to act usually find that the act of taking the first step makes the second step more clear. When we are focused on what we want, we see opportunities. If we hang back in fear we will miss them.
Today, think of something you have been putting off. Take the first step.
Goethe
Many of us are procrastinators. We put off doing what we need to do, then scramble to meet deadlines. The list of things we haven’t done adds to our sense of guilt, providing one more way we don’t measure up.
People procrastinate for various reasons. A common reason is fear – fear of judgmental reactions from others, or fear of not doing a good job. Or we may put off starting something because we don’t know how we will finish it. We can’t see the end, so we don’t even start.
Those who have the courage to act usually find that the act of taking the first step makes the second step more clear. When we are focused on what we want, we see opportunities. If we hang back in fear we will miss them.
Today, think of something you have been putting off. Take the first step.
Friday, February 1, 2008
Feb 1 Obstacles to Peace
Why don’t we all have more peace in our lives now? Although we’re not all the same, there are some common hurdles. Perhaps some of these obstacles to peace are familiar to you:
I wouldn’t even know where to start.
It’s a little scary to do the things I would need to do.
I know what to do but I just never manage to get started.
My family gets in the way of having peace in my life.
My job makes it impossible.
I don’t have enough time.
It would be too expensive.
With everything I have to do now, I don’t have the energy for one more thing.
If I were a peaceful person I wouldn’t be successful in my job.
Not interested. I’m a fighter.
It’s not possible to live in peace in this world. It’s a pipe dream.
Too boring.
Today, think about how you would finish this sentence: I would have peace in my life if . . . . .
I wouldn’t even know where to start.
It’s a little scary to do the things I would need to do.
I know what to do but I just never manage to get started.
My family gets in the way of having peace in my life.
My job makes it impossible.
I don’t have enough time.
It would be too expensive.
With everything I have to do now, I don’t have the energy for one more thing.
If I were a peaceful person I wouldn’t be successful in my job.
Not interested. I’m a fighter.
It’s not possible to live in peace in this world. It’s a pipe dream.
Too boring.
Today, think about how you would finish this sentence: I would have peace in my life if . . . . .
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