Feb 27 Alternatives to Fighting

Many divorcing couples, especially those with children, use divorce mediation as a way to avoid the problems of hostile, win-lose court battles, which can be expensive and emotionally scarring. Mediation is becoming a valuable alternative to fighting in other areas also, such as neighborhood disputes, but divorce mediation is particularly popular. The legal profession is beginning to recognize the advantage of having people resolve differences themselves rather than fighting in court.
This mediation process is different from that in business, where an arbitrator may hear both sides and then make a decision. The mediation process for divorce or other interpersonal situation is more like an extended conversation. The goal is to find a solution both parties can live with.
In the mediation process, the parties are not enemies; instead, they are collaborators. They do not have to like each other – they can be angry and hurt – but they must treat each other civilly. Each retains what is most important to them and may give up something that they find less important.
The process requires respect for the opinions and position of the other as well as respect for one’s own needs and preferences. It is a process with no fighting and no losers.