April 2 Avoiding

Many people try to attain peace by avoiding what they don’t want. They try to avoid loneliness, ridicule, emotional pain, running out of money, or other problems, hoping to find peace. But those whose lives are mostly avoiding may be left with a sense of emptiness.
This emptiness is widespread in our modern world – it could be called an epidemic. It is a poor substitute for peace. Truly having peace means living an authentic life, a life that matches who we are. In order to have true peace, it is important to go for what we want, not just to avoid what we don’t want.
To live a life of peace means to have an abundance of whatever is important to you. This could be friends, a sense of meaning, or a sense of accomplishment. It means a life in which you get out of bed in the morning looking forward to the day.
We may spend much of our lives avoiding what we don’t want, but we need to remember to go after what we do want.
Today, think of three things you want to add to your life.

March 29 What You Resist Persists

What you resist persists.
Carl Jung

The concept that “what you resist persists” is a hard one for many of us in Western society to grasp. We have so bought into the storyline that fighters are heroes that we find anything else confusing.
But in fact, fighting against something makes it stronger. When we make something into an enemy, we magnify its importance. As we give our attention to it, we make it bigger and more powerful.
When we focus on fighting the enemy, we only see part of the picture: a one-sided reality. But if we look at the bigger picture we see that everything has consequences. For example, if we kill someone we disagree with, we create a martyr. We then guarantee that the fight continues for the next generation.
This is the difference between a society that values brute strength and a society that values wisdom. Instead of focusing on fighting against enemies, wisdom suggests that we concentrate on the solution we want and put our effort into creating it.

March 28 Peace and the Senses

The sense of taste can help provide a feeling of comfort and peace.
We all have favorite tastes. Many of us crave chocolate, especially on a bad day; others find ice cream soothing.
Some foods remind us of memories. You may find that something your grandmother used to fix makes you feel better. Tastes we remember from our childhood bring back the feeling of simpler, happier, times.
Ideally, food makes us feel nurtured and cared for. “Comfort foods” are filling and help relieve anxiety. They nourish the soul as well as the body.
When we try to eat healthy, this sometimes means that we give up the foods that bring us joy. We may feel as if we are missing something.
What food or drink makes you feel at peace?
Today, treat yourself to a taste that makes you say, “aaah”.

March 27 Mediation

So, if this world is stuck in the shadow Warrior, how can we help move it along to something better?
One way would be for more of us to learn mediation skills. Mediation can be used as an alternative to fighting. Its goal is to create a win-win solution. The process requires each party to show respect for the other’s perspective, their view of the world, their need for validation without giving up their own perspective, view of the world, or need for validation. Each side wins on the points that they value most and concedes on the aspects that they find less urgent.
Mediation has notably been used in divorce, but that is only one application. It can be used in business, with labor problems or internal disagreements. Some communities are using mediation to solve problems, from small disputes to major feuds. Those who learn mediation find it a useful skill to address problems in their own lives and with their families.
Mediation programs and centers exist in many areas. Some religious groups train people in mediation skills. Other mediation centers are located at educational institutions or in communities.
Knowing mediation skills can be helpful for all of us in our everyday lives. In addition, many people serve as volunteer mediators who may be called upon for disputes between individuals or community groups. Paid mediators go through formal mediation training and receive certification. They may work with the courts or with attorneys.
Mediation is a valuable skill for a society that wishes to have more peace. Today, find out whether there is a resource in your community that teaches mediation skills.

March 22 Thanks, But I'll Pass

For me, last week brought one annoyance after another, ending with the day I had to deal with customer service. I had two problems, so I had to deal with two different companies, a process that took four hours altogether. It was everything we expect these days from customer service. One guy was surly and accused me of doing stuff I didn’t do. Another person couldn’t get anything straight.
They grudgingly agreed to let me return the nearly-new gadget that wasn’t working, but the return process was complicated and involved warnings that if I didn’t do it EXACTLY right, they would refuse to repair it. Next, I had to order some catalog items. After the order was complete, the clerk tried to sell me stuff I didn’t want. When I declined, she argued with me.
When I finally finished, I realized that for these companies, I was the enemy.
This wasn’t always the case. At one time, successful businesses considered their customers to be assets. Their goal was to provide what customers wanted and needed. They knew that keeping customers was important if they were to stay in business. The understanding was, “we provide what you want and need, we make you happy, and you’ll tell your friends and come back next time.” Customer service was the basis for everything they did.
The change seemed to happen in the 1980’s, about the time Gordon Gekko announced in the movie Wall Street that “greed is good”. Now the goal is to make as much money as possible. The customers are just an obstacle, stubbornly holding back money from the business, so they must force us to give it up. Corporations have made us into enemies by deciding that their interests are not the same as our interests.
Many procedures are clearly planned to be so complicated, such a hassle, that we will give up and quit trying. I have seen health insurers do this – they deny coverage for legitimate conditions, then make the appeals process complicated so people give up rather than pursue the appeal. We feel the hostility when we deal with these companies. It definitely does not contribute to having peace.
This experience, and my resulting lack of peace, set me thinking about what I could do to not be an enemy. I think I have come up with a solution.
I decided I will send these two companies a letter or email and tell them I’m not going to do business with them any more because they treat their customers like enemies.
Then I wondered what would happen if we all did that. I’ll have to admit that the idea makes me smile.

March 20 Archetypes

Martha posted this comment on March 16:
I tried to read your blogs on the archetypes but the feminist in me finds the Warrior, Wizard, Hero all so very wearisomely male. Being a pagan I prefer the traditional pagan Maiden, Mother, & Crone. When you return from your rest you might give them some thought. They are so in keeping with the concept of peace...

Thanks for bringing this up, Martha. It raises some important issues. Archetypes are only useful if we find them helpful, and we don’t all find meaning in the same way.
For me, they can be of value in a couple of ways. They can be descriptive, allowing us to recognize the pattern we have been following. (“Oh, so that’s what I’ve been doing.”) Or they can serve as a guide, a model for ways we can make our lives different.
The reason the Warrior seems so tedious to many of us is that the world is in the grip of the shadow Warrior. We have done it to death, over and over, and we don’t seem to be learning its lessons. I suspect that you are looking for the same thing I am looking for; a way to move on.
I see two different groups of people who might be interested. One group would be those who can see the downside of the Warrior and want something different. Your suggestion of the Maiden, Mother, and Crone may be what they are looking for.
I am not as worried about that group. Those who are looking will probably find what they need, sooner or later. The group I am more concerned about are those who are stuck in the Warrior. For those who believe the Warrior is the top of the Winner Ladder, there is nothing beyond. For them, this is the highest one can aspire to, to spend every day trying desperately not to be a loser. They believe they have no choice but to always fight: every dragon must be slain. And since Warriors run most of our institutions and our businesses, what they do affects all of us.
I don’t think the answer is to give up being a Warrior or never learn Warrior skills. That leads to living in fear – fear of bullies or anyone who is strong and threatens. The journey calls us to move through the Warrior, while retaining Warrior skills.
Carol Pearson prefers to use gender-neutral language for her archetypal framework. I agree with this strategy. I believe men’s and women’s journeys are becoming more and more similar as time goes along, and while they are not identical, the resulting wisdom is universal. You might prefer Pearson’s more in-depth framework of 12 archetypes in Awakening the Heroes Within: Twelve Archetypes to Help Us Find Ourselves and Transform Our World: the Innocent, Orphan, Seeker, Lover, Creator, Destroyer, Warrior, Caregiver, Magician, Sage, Ruler, and Jester.
Most men would not identify with the archetypes of the Maiden, Mother and Crone. Nor would a woman in midlife who does not have children or who has to multitask, dealing with a Warrior-world job and other stresses. The Crone has an image problem. We associate it with being physically unattractive – the Halloween cartoon witch. Even the Mother archetype has a shadow side: think of the nosy, domineering mother, or the Texas mother who tried to murder her daughter’s cheerleading rival.
I prefer to use a framework that has more general appeal, and particularly one that makes sense to those stuck in the shadow Warrior. And I think we need to understand the Warrior in order to move beyond it.
It is not my intent to turn this into a Jungian theory blog, and I promise to get back to more practical posts. But you raise some good points. I hope my response is helpful.

March 19 Dragons

J.R.R. Tolkien, the author of the Lord of the Rings trilogy, wrote a lesser-known story, Farmer Giles of Ham. In the story, Farmer Giles lived in a place called the Middle Kingdom, where a giant had been trampling on animals and buildings. He shot at the giant, chasing him away. Because the giant had done so much damage, Farmer Giles became the Hero of the Countryside. The townspeople cheered, and the King even sent congratulations, along with a belt and an old sword he found lying around the armory.
When the giant returned home to his land far away, he told stories of his travels, which he embellished a bit. The dragons listened to his stories, and one dragon decided to pay a visit to the Middle Kingdom.
The dragon also brought destruction. He burned up the crops, destroyed buildings, and took animals. Most people stayed inside their houses, but the parson came out and tried to convince the dragon to mend his evil ways. Instead, he ate the parson.
Farmer Giles discovered that the sword the king had given him had a name – Tailbiter – and that it had belonged to a great dragon-slayer. No dragon could resist it when it was in the hands of a brave man. Farmer Giles went after the dragon and, wielding Tailbiter, wounded his wing so that he could not fly.
Although the dragon said, “Knights always kill dragons, if we don’t kill them first,” Farmer Giles didn’t kill him. Instead, he went into the dragon’s cave and took his treasure, which would pay for the damage to the town. He strapped the treasure onto the dragon’s back and they walked back to the Middle Kingdom. People came to see the dragon Farmer Giles had captured, and he became very rich. He was the Darling of the Land.

March 15

Good morning, and thanks for reading my blog. I appreciate the feedback, and I’m glad that some of you have found the posts helpful. I really enjoy writing them. However, I’m getting worn out and I need to take a break.
I truly admire people who can work full-time and still write. I just don’t seem to be one of them. If I try to keep up this pace, the posts will start being really grumpy. That kind of defeats the purpose, don’t you think?
And something else has been nagging at me. I have the sense that there are more urgent matters that need to be addressed. Specifically, the shredding of the U.S. Constitution, and the sports tournament that we call an election, which allows us to choose between Tweedledum and Tweedledee, on voting machines that do fishy things.
I still have another fun dragon story and will plan to finish it in about a week. In the meantime, I’m thinking maybe I should follow my own advice. I’m going to take a nap and then go for a walk in the woods.
Thanks again for your feedback and encouragement.
One more thing – if you live in the United States you might want to consider getting some of your news from at least one source outside the U.S. It’s easy to do on the Internet. Just a suggestion.

Karen

March 13 Dragons

For Western cultures, the classic hero is the Warrior. The hero must prove he is a Warrior, usually by killing a dragon. When we encounter a dragon, the implication is that we only have two choices: kill the dragon or be killed.
But after a while, that story gets old. Eventually we have found every possible way to kill dragons. We become weary of patching up the Warriors who return alive but burned, gored or hobbling. We start to wonder whether the battle is worth the cost, or if there is another way for the hero to prove his worth.
If we have more than one kind of hero, there must be more than one way to handle a dragon. And so it was for Jerome the frog.
In Philip Ressner’s children’s book Jerome, he is turned into a prince by a witch. The townspeople inform him that since he is now a prince, they expect him to slay the greasy, smelly dragon that is burning up their houses and forests.
(I believe the description of dragons as greasy and smelly is supposed to make us more willing to kill them. But I digress.)
Jerome finds the cave where the dragon lives and announces that he plans to slay him. But the dragon protests, saying that he can’t help himself. He says that breathing fire is what dragons do.
This puzzles Jerome, who did not expect an assertive dragon. He thinks for a while, and then proposes a deal.
Now the dragon burns the town garbage on Tuesdays and Thursdays. The other days he rests and tells lies.

March 12 The Hero's Journey

The Innocent comes through the journey and finds peace. The Magician comes through the journey and provides healing for the self and the world. The Magician goes beyond ordinary reality.
We can see the Magician in champion athletes who play with elegance and grace, without apparent effort. They achieve this grace only after years of discipline and practice. But once in the game, the baseball pitcher doesn’t think about every detail – the wind speed, the curve of his arm, the position of the batter. Instead, he lets go and lets his body do what it knows how to do.
The traditional Western warrior fights directly against the opponent, perhaps using a battering ram to break down resistance. But Magician warriors use Eastern martial arts such as aikido. In this style of combat, they do not fight against the challenger but instead turn around and move in the direction the challenger is going. The opponent then becomes unbalanced and falls.
Just as the aikido practitioner aligns with the force of the foe, the Magician harmonizes with the forces of nature. The Magician physician understands the wisdom of the body and its natural ability to heal, and plans treatment that will enhance this ability. Balance is important for the Magician. Just as in the martial arts, where grace and balance are more powerful than brute strength, our bodies and lives need to be in balance if we are to heal.
The Magician does things we think are impossible. But this is partly because they are willing to try. Certainly more people could do “impossible” things if they were willing to make an attempt, and then had the patience and discipline to perfect their skills. Sometimes magic is in believing you can do something and then doing it. To be a Magician, we must go beyond apparent boundaries and give up self-imposed limits.
Magicians understand that we are all connected. They know that we are all children of the Creator and that truth wears many faces. Magician Warriors have respect for their opponents and see divinity in them. For the Magician, the world is too small to have enemies. The goal is wisdom, harmony, and peace.

March 11 The Hero's Journey

We start our life’s journey as an Innocent. For a time, our needs are taken care of and we live in paradise. For those with a happy childhood the Innocent journey continues, a time of being loved and appreciated.
This Innocent stage, however, is shorter than it was a generation or two ago. The harsher realities of the world intrude through television, music, and other influences. School may be a place of bullying and shaming. Schools often have a Winner Ladder as rigid as any we will ever face in our lives. Too soon, we encounter the Orphan and the journey begins.
Each stage of the journey has a gift of wisdom. The hero becomes skilled at handling the pitfalls along the way. Those who persist, facing their fears, coping with dragons and muddling through the dark woods, encounter a surprise. As they come out on the other side of the woods, they find themselves in paradise again.
It is paradise because it meets our needs. It might not be a paradise for someone else, but because we have taken the journey, we know ourselves and what we need. We can ask for what we want without fighting. We know who we are and we don’t bother trying to fit somewhere we don’t belong.
The Innocent finds peace as a result of going on the journey. Peace comes because we have nothing to fear. We know that to be loved the secret is to be loving. We no longer have anything to prove. We have turned the journey into wisdom, and when we know how to solve problems, they have no power over us.
However . . . .
The journey is not a straight line but a spiral. So the end of one journey is the beginning of the next. Eventually something happens, we are thrust onto a new journey, and we are on our way to greater wisdom.

March 10 The Hero's Journey

The Wanderer’s journey leads away from home into the unknown. The journey is a search for healing of the self and the world.
Wanderers are pulled onto the journey by a feeling that something is missing, although they may be unable to name it. They may feel trapped, as if they are in a cage. They sense they no longer fit into their lives, or maybe that they have never fit. They escape from a world that seems hostile or empty.
In the fairy tale, the prince goes looking for Cinderella, visiting every home in the kingdom to see who will fit the glass slipper. When he arrives at Cinderella’s house, he finds that one of the stepsisters has cut off part of her foot in an attempt to fit into the slipper.
This is what many of us do. We cut off part of ourselves in an attempt to fit into the role we are trying to fill. Parts of ourselves are numb or missing because we don’t accept them or we fear that others won’t approve of them. When we are the Wanderer we search for our missing parts; we seek wholeness.
Many people avoid going on the Wanderer journey. They may be obsessed with safety or bound in fear. They may be afraid that the journey would change them, and they are probably right. They forget that life is supposed to be an adventure.
Eventually the Wanderer returns from the journey, bringing answers to problems, answers that were not available at home. These solutions bring new life to the kingdom. But the hero gains the treasure only by going on the quest. The prince would never have found Cinderella if he had not gone looking for her.

March 9 The Hero's Journey

Each of the archetypes is an important part of the spiritual journey; each has a gift for the journeyer.
The Altruist teaches us to care for others.
The Warrior, the “official” hero, is revered and celebrated in the media, but in reality most of us spend our time and energy being an Altruist. We provide for our families, we look after our neighbors. A great many of us donate our time in volunteer work. Collectively, we contribute huge amounts of money to charities. We are everyday heroes.
The Warrior’s separateness and individuality are a valuable stage of the journey; the Altruist provides connection. With the Warrior we learn freedom; with the Altruist we find meaning. To ask whether the Warrior or the Altruist is more important is to ask a Winner Ladder question. In fact, both are necessary.
We are all connected, and we all affect each other. The Altruist teaches us to go beyond ourselves, to look to the needs of the family, the community, and the world, even to those who are different from ourselves. We learn to give something back.
Higher-level Altruists want to give, not out of obligation or fear of what comes after death, but because they want to, because they believe they can make a difference.
The shadow Altruist’s gifts come with strings attached. These people want to control others and do not respect their boundaries. They are the helicopter parents, who hover over their children even when they go away to college. The shadow Altruist may try to live through others instead of taking the individual spiritual journey.
Most Altruist jobs are poorly paid, low on the Winner Ladder. But they are essential. Many, many people give up higher-status jobs to take an Altruist job that provides meaning and a sense of satisfaction.
It is hard to live in peace when others around us are not doing well. If we are to have peace, we must look after the needs of everyone.

March 8 The Hero's Journey

When we suffer a loss and find ourselves adrift, the Orphan archetype is prominent in our lives. We may feel abandoned or betrayed, thrown out of our comfort zone. Maybe we trusted someone who let us down, or the perfect job turns out to be awful. Perhaps we lose money on a house or a business.
We have this idea that life should be smooth, that if we have problems we have done something wrong. But all of us have wounds of some sort, and the wound is what propels us onto the spiritual journey.
The Orphan teaches us to be more realistic and to trust wisely. We learn that we can take what life dishes out, that we can survive the problems and the dramas and still be standing. We learn that we must each be responsible for our own happiness; if we entrust our happiness entirely to someone else, they will sometimes let us down.
Those caught in the shadow side of the Orphan remain caught up in anger and bitterness and never grow beyond the loss. Those who remain stuck in the pain pay the price of the Orphan journey without collecting its gifts.
The journey out of the loss may be long. It may be that you don’t recover from the loss in the sense of returning to who you were before, but move forward into something new, something you have never been before. The problem, the loss, allows you to move ahead and live a larger life.
Peace is not living forever in the Garden of Eden. Peace in this world is knowing that you can handle what will come along in the future.

March 7 The Hero's Journey

The Warrior archetype is an essential part of the spiritual journey. Our inner Warrior allows us to defend our boundaries, to fend off those who try to trample on us. Without the Warrior we are vulnerable, always in fear of threats from outside. Without it, we cannot live in peace.
Each archetype has its positive side and its shadow side. The shadow side of the Warrior is familiar to all of us. Warriors, originally the defenders of the weak, become bullies. They are obsessed with power, always looking for enemies, seeing everything as a competition.
According to Carol Pearson,the plot of the Warrior story is hero/villain/victim. This is the traditional format for a hero story. It makes for compelling drama, but when every story must fit into the same formula, it becomes tedious and confining.
The journey is a spiral rather than a straight path. It leads to the Warrior archetype more than once, each time at a higher level. The advanced Warrior knows how to fight, but prefers more elegant solutions to problems. The wise Warrior understands that ultimately we are all on the same side.

March 6 Emptiness

Some obstacles to peace are obvious, but others are less apparent. When the barrier is fighting or anger, worry or fear we can usually identify it. But for some, the problem is more subtle.
Someone may be following the rules, doing what they think they’re supposed to do, but have a sense of emptiness, of something missing. This emptiness can be an obstacle to peace.
Jungian Carol Pearson believes that this feeling of emptiness is a sign that the individual has not been willing to pursue the spiritual journey. The journey is the purpose of life. Although it is challenging at times, it allows us to grow and mature. We can then use the gifts of the journey and our resulting wisdom to help heal the world around us.
For each of us, the journey is ours alone and we will have to discover it for ourselves. But there are guideposts to point the way, in the form of archetypes.
In Pearson’s The Hero Within she describes six archetypes that reflect aspects of the spiritual journey. All are important – each helps us gain a different aspect of wisdom.
When the Orphan archetype is prominent in our lives, we may feel abandoned or betrayed. We learn to be careful where we put our trust.
The Wanderer breaks out of captivity and goes on a quest to find the true self.
The Warrior archetype teaches us how to be strong, to maintain our boundaries and defend the weak.
When we are the Altruist we learn generosity and begin to connect to others.
Before the journey, the Innocent has a naive, childlike trust in the world. Those who pursue the journey return to a new level of the Innocent, where they create a peaceful life with wisdom they gained along the way.
The Magician has the skill and knowledge to transform the kingdom into a better world.
For Pearson, the spiritual journey provides us with the skills and the knowledge to create a more peaceful world for ourselves and those around us. Those who avoid taking the journey out of fear or a preference for safety may feel a sense of emptiness or hollowness that is an obstacle to peace.

March 5 Alternatives to Fighting

We view the health care system as waging a heroic fight against death and disease. The immune system is the corresponding fighter inside the body. Our image of the immune system has it battling enemies that invade the body from outside.
Although the warrior image seems obvious to us, it is a concept of our own creation. It is not the only way to describe what the immune system does.
The immune system demonstrates the wisdom of the body. It must know which cells are part of “me” and which aren’t. Its job is to distinguish self from not-self, to discover what doesn’t belong – an impressive feat, if you think about it. If we look at this aspect of the immune system, we could consider it to be a sage instead of a warrior, or maybe a radar system.
Once the immune system detects the presence of what doesn’t belong, we could say that it cleans up, takes out the trash. We could picture it as a housekeeper or repairman.
People who are ill are often urged to fight the disease, especially if they have cancer. But fighting is not the only choice. In their book Speak the Language of Healing: Living With Breast Cancer Without Going to War, Susan Kuner, Carol Orsborn, Linda Quigley, and Karen Stroup describe their experiences with breast cancer. All chose to approach the cancer without fighting. For each of the four authors, this choice came from a religious or spiritual point of view.
Those who have an illness are urged to fight and may be told “you have no choice.” But there are always choices, and the person with the illness is the one who makes the choice. Fighting is only one option.

March 4 You Can't Be Serious!

Thanks to Martha Schram for this entry in the "Peace is Funny" contest.
Finding Peace

She held on to anger, she held on to woe,
She held them both tightly and wouldn't let go.

She cherished resentment and worked hard to judge.
She felt herself stuck there and tried not to budge.

She frowned, and she fussed, and she worried, and such.
She huffed, and she growled, and she barked way too much.

She felt awfully heavy all burdened and low;
She saw it was silly so she let it all go.

She felt so much better and that made her grin,
She noticed a dimple erupt on her chin.

She built to a titter, an enormous tee-hee!
She couldn't stop giggling, at last she was free!

She snickered and hooted, guffawed, belly-laughed;
She didn't much worry if folks thought her daft.

She let trouble lighten, vexation release.
She learned that a smile is conducive to peace.

For more details about the contest, see the February 29 post.
If you would like to enter, please send your entry to 365Peace@gmail.com

March 3 Whose Life Is It?

Some people believe that when others dare them or threaten them they have no other choice but to fight.
They assume they must fight or otherwise they’ll be losers; or that they have to choose between fighting and being a victim. Maybe they want to preserve their position on the Winner Ladder, or maybe they don’t want to be considered weak.
But if they truly have no choice, it means that they are not in control of their lives.
A fight makes people into enemies. If they were not enemies before, they are enemies when the fight begins. Having an enemy takes a lot of energy, and it is usually a long-term project. You may not want to spend your energy in that way.
Other people can dare you, hate you, threaten you, or even take a swing at you, but they don’t rule your life. If someone wants you to fight you can choose whether or not you will.
Remember that another person cannot be an enemy without your permission.

March 2 Not My Problem

Do you know someone who doesn’t like you?
This used to really bother me. If I thought someone didn’t like me, I worried that maybe I did something wrong, maybe I was lacking something important. I worried about what they were saying about me to others.
Then when I was in my forties, which is the age when we start to figure out a lot of things about ourselves, I realized something. Some people just don’t like me, no matter what I do. Other people seem to think I’m great, no matter what I do. But I’m still me. I don’t do anything different with one person than I do with the other.
I realized that what they think of me is more about them than it is about me. Maybe they don’t like me for their own reasons. Since there’s nothing I can do to change that, it isn’t my problem.
Some people are annoyed that it doesn’t bother me but I spend a lot less time trying to make other people happy than I used to. It’s OK with me if someone doesn’t like me.

March 1 Enough

In order to have peace, we must have our basic needs met. Those who do not have enough to eat or a warm place to live cannot be at peace. Those who fear for their physical safety in their homes do not live in peace. And because peace is contagious, when those around us don’t have what they need, their lack of peace affects all of us.
But the problem is different for many of us.
For us, an obstacle to peace is our focus on all the things we want that we don’t really need. Those of us who have our basic needs met still think we need lots of stuff. The power of advertising makes us want things that aren’t necessities and sometimes aren’t good for us.
There seems to be no end to what we want. We want things that we think will make us happy or better looking. We want things that will raise our status on the Winner Ladder. We want to measure up to people in the ads who seem to enjoy life so much more than we do.
If we are to live in peace it helps to decide that we are attractive enough, thin enough, well dressed enough, that we can live on our current income. It helps to decide that what we have is enough.
It might help to remind ourselves every now and then, “All those possessions are nice, thank you very much, but I prefer peace.”

Feb 29 You Can’t Be Serious!

You have noticed that this blog is titled “365 Ways to Live in Peace”. But this is a leap year, so it has 366 days. Since today is an extra day, I thought I would take a day off and let you, the readers, write the post. So I am announcing a contest.
Today’s topic is “Peace is Funny”. For too long we have thought peace was a serious issue, suitable only for boring speeches and sermons and dry academic papers. No wonder we haven’t solved the problem – who can stay awake for that stuff?
So I am inviting you to submit a joke or funny story about peace. The prize is eternal fame, or at least as much fame as you gain from having your story and your name posted on this blog.
There are only two rules, unless I make up some more rules later. First, this is a family blog. Keep it clean.
Second, no stories about how peace is difficult, how impossible it is to have peace on earth, etc.
Send your entries to 365Peace@gmail.com
You can enter as many times as you want.
And yes, peace is funny.

Feb 28 The Downside of Fighting

Our health care system is devoted to the heroic fight against death and disease. We have had many dramatic successes, particularly against infectious diseases, which lend themselves well to the fighting model. When we have an infection, foreign enemies, the bacteria, invade our bodies and cause the disease. We fight them off, chase them away, and the disease is gone.
But this model doesn’t work as well with chronic diseases. We can’t make them go away – we have to live with them. There are no invaders, so we end up fighting our own bodies. Long-term fighting is exhausting, both for the person with the disease and health care providers.
Our heroic fight against death has its downside also. We insist that people fight against dying and we praise those who never give up. But this means that when someone is dying they can’t acknowledge the truth. Very often the family won’t admit that they are dying, so they don’t have an opportunity to say goodbye or to get their affairs in order. If they are very unlucky their health care providers and even friends will avoid talking to them. After all, those who are dying have “lost the battle”.
It is not a problem that our health care system is able to fight. The problem is that we want to fight everything. We are fighting against death, a battle we will eventually lose every time.
We need to come up with a concept of health care that includes much more than fighting. And we need to admit that death is part of life and focus more on how to do it gracefully.

Feb 27 Alternatives to Fighting

Many divorcing couples, especially those with children, use divorce mediation as a way to avoid the problems of hostile, win-lose court battles, which can be expensive and emotionally scarring. Mediation is becoming a valuable alternative to fighting in other areas also, such as neighborhood disputes, but divorce mediation is particularly popular. The legal profession is beginning to recognize the advantage of having people resolve differences themselves rather than fighting in court.
This mediation process is different from that in business, where an arbitrator may hear both sides and then make a decision. The mediation process for divorce or other interpersonal situation is more like an extended conversation. The goal is to find a solution both parties can live with.
In the mediation process, the parties are not enemies; instead, they are collaborators. They do not have to like each other – they can be angry and hurt – but they must treat each other civilly. Each retains what is most important to them and may give up something that they find less important.
The process requires respect for the opinions and position of the other as well as respect for one’s own needs and preferences. It is a process with no fighting and no losers.

Feb 26 The Downside of Fighting

We live in a culture that is addicted to fighting. We fight when fighting is bad for us. We fight when it is not in our best interest, or when it doesn’t even make sense.
As with any addiction, we fight because it makes us feel better at the moment. Fighting makes unpleasant feelings go away temporarily, but in the long term our problems return and even get worse.
Many of our institutions are based on fighting, as Deborah Tannen describes in her book The Argument Culture: Stopping America’s War of Words. For example, child custody cases are often decided by having the two parents fight in court. This process creates enemies where once there were only two people with different opinions. The parents may believe, probably correctly, that in order to win the fight they have to disparage the other parent. The anger and resentment from this process may last a lifetime. In this process everyone loses, especially the child.
We will always have problems. In order to live in peace we must look for solutions that do not require fighting.

Feb 25 The Winner Ladder

For those who live by the Winner Ladder, life is like a sports tournament, where everything is a competition.
The Winner Ladder is a powerful influence on many of us, perhaps most of us. We spend a lot of energy worrying about whether we measure up.
We have many ways of measuring whether or not we’re winners:
we compare positions on a career ladder, or we compare looks;
we measure our status by money or possessions;
we judge others by the car they drive.
Even dying is for losers – those who live longer are winners.
For the Winner Ladder, you are not judged by who you are, but instead by what you drive or how you look. Your position on the ladder defines you.
The Winner Ladder is an obstacle to peace for many.
Today think about one area of your life where you worry about whether you measure up.
For a few minutes, look at it objectively. Does it seem a little silly to worry about this?

Feb 24 Safety

Many people live their lives focused on being safe.
While it is wise to have some measure of safety, it is possible to be too safe.
Those who are overly concerned with being safe risk living a life limited by fear: fear of the unknown, or fear of loss. They may fear being wrong, or trying something and failing.
But the real risk is not being really alive. Life was not meant to be lived behind barricaded doors, whether physical doors or emotional ones. We have a need for adventure, for seeing what we can accomplish, for creating. When we don’t honor that need, we may have a sense of emptiness. This feeling of lack is not the same as peace – it is, in fact, the opposite of peace.
We can never live entirely risk-free. There is always some risk in the process of living. That is how we learn about ourselves and how we grow.
Today do one small thing that involves a risk. Start a conversation with someone you don’t know, try a new food, tell someone you admire them. Afterwards, check your feelings to see how taking the risk affected you.

Feb 23 Getting Older

For many people, fear of getting older is an obstacle to peace.
We spend a lot of effort trying to stay young – a doomed effort, of course, because we all get older.
Historically, we are an aberration. Other traditional cultures respect their elders for their wisdom and their accomplishments. Ancestors are honored and even worshiped.
I believe this is related to our preference for warriors. When we value winning over everything else, we admire strength. We value youth more than wisdom.
And so we get the youth-worshiping culture we have: shallow, short-sighted, with lots of muscle and little intellect. Immaturity makes headlines rather than being a cause for shame.
Even our food is more entertainment than nourishment. Our culture is like the movie “Home Alone”, where the adults are gone and we can do anything we want.
I am not an anthropologist and I don’t know this for certain. But I suspect that peaceful cultures have respect for their older members.
What if we looked at aging as a gift rather than a tragedy?
Today think of one thing you have learned from life that you didn’t know when you were younger.

Feb 22 Clutter

Many of us have schedules cluttered with activities. Some of those activities feel like burdens, like onerous chores. Maybe we got into those commitments voluntarily – we thought that we would enjoy them, that we would benefit from them, or that they would be worthwhile.
But most of us have time commitments that are merely obligations. These are the things we believe we must do. Perhaps we have family commitments, things we promised our friends we would do, or activities we think will benefit our children.
It is hard to find peace in our lives when we spend time and energy on things we don’t find beneficial, things that we do merely out of guilt.
Clearing out the schedule-clutter is more difficult when we are doing things we feel we have to do. But it may be essential in order to have peace.
Today, look at your schedule and pick one thing you do from a sense of obligation. Does this activity add to your life?

Feb 21 Definition of Peace, Part 3

Peace is the absence of fear.
Fear keeps us focused on the future, on some dreaded event that may never happen. But when we are focused on the future we are not present in our lives now.
Those who let themselves be guided by fear will find that it has a cost. Fear of making mistakes keeps us from being creative. Fear of other people keeps us from working in harmony with them.
Because fear clouds our judgment, decisions we make when we are fearful may not serve us well.
Fear can be contagious, and it is hard to avoid in this world. In order to have peace we will have to learn to ignore it, overcome it, or perhaps just laugh at it.
Today, notice when those around you are acting out of fear.

Feb 20 Perspective

Do you ever feel like a rat in a maze, lost in the everydayness that most of us live in most of the time? It helps to look at our lives from a bird’s-eye perspective, to stand outside ourselves and get a better view.
When we stand outside our lives we can see where we are headed. We recognize when we are going in circles. We see whether we are traveling in the direction we really want to go.
There are many ways to get a new perspective. Some people can do it through meditation. Other people use a therapist or spiritual counselor to look at their lives from a new angle. Or a perceptive friend can help you see yourself in a different light.
Books are a time-honored way to see things from a new direction.
A vacation can help by taking us out of the routine so we can see more clearly.
You may want to find ways to get a new way to look at your life, to allow you to truly see where it is going and what your alternatives are.
Today, think about ways you could get a different perspective on your life.

Feb 19 Assertiveness

I recently read an article which described someone as “way too assertive.” I found this startling and a bit confusing. To a mental health professional, it is impossible to be overly assertive.
Assertiveness means standing up for ourselves, speaking out for what we need, having a voice. It means when someone is standing on your toes you say so, and you do it without fighting.
To be assertive is not the same as being aggressive. Aggressiveness is using force, battling, intruding on another’s boundaries. Those who are aggressive stand on someone else’s toes.
Being aggressive is the opposite of being passive. Passiveness is reluctance to speak up, remaining quiet even when problems exist. It means giving in, no matter what the cost. Many assume that being passive is the only alternative to fighting.
But those who are passive likely won’t get what they need, and it is hard for someone to be at peace who doesn’t have basic necessities or feels unsafe.
We need to be assertive instead of passive so we can stand up for ourselves. We need to be assertive instead of aggressive so we don’t fight every time we need something. In order to have peace, it helps to be assertive.

Feb 18 Forgiveness

When we hang onto old wounds, they can be an obstacle to peace. It is easier to live in peace when we can forgive.
When we forgive others, we are not saying that their actions didn’t harm us or disturb us. It is not as if the event didn’t happen. We are saying that the event was in the past and we choose not to carry it event into the future. We let go of it.
When we forgive, we are not doing it for the other person; we are doing it for ourselves. When we carry baggage from the past, we are impairing our ability to live in the present.
Today, can you think of someone you found it hard to forgive? What would it take for you to decide that you will forgive them and let go of the past?

Feb 17 Peace in the Family

A family is a collection of different personalities who have to somehow figure out how to live together. Because people don’t always agree, family members must manage despite different opinions and preferences.
How does your family deal with those differences?
Sometimes a person is called a “peacemaker” who gives in, who gives up what they wanted.
But can a person who never has a voice live in peace? How can anyone be at peace who has no say in important decisions about their life?
Today, consider this question: Is everyone in your family, including children, allowed to express an opinion? Does one person always give in?

Feb 16 Your Support System

Who is your support system?
Who understands you?
Who can you rely on?
When we are afraid of future problems we don’t have peace. None of us can know what is in store for us. But we can know who to call if we have problems. We can know who will be there for us.
It helps if you can be clear on who your support system is.
If they’re supposed to be supportive but aren’t, they don’t count.
If you can’t rely on them or they aren’t very helpful they are not your support system.
Those who provide your support system may not be able to fix the problem, but then again, they might. At the very least they can be there to listen.
Your support system is helpful to your living in peace.
Today, think about who you can count on.

Feb 15 Definition of Peace, Part 2

Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. Was it worth it?
Mohandas Gandhi

Peace is the absence of worry.
This is an era of change, and many people respond to change with worry.
We worry about what people think of us, we worry about money, we worry about things that haven’t happened yet and things that we can’t do anything about.
Worrying is not the same as preparing. Preparing is working in the present for a better outcome in the future. Worrying is living in the future, imagining the worst.
Preparing produces a plan. Worry doesn’t produce anything except more worry.
We eventually finish preparing; worrying can take us around in circles forever.
Today, identify one thing you worry about. Has your worrying made a difference?

Feb 14 Peace on the Job

Do you have a toxic job?
Or does your job add to your peace?
Many of us spend more time at work than we spend with our families. This is a big chunk of our lives.
You may have found that when you work with a wonderful bunch of people it can make a tedious job pleasant. But when your colleagues are backbiting or hostile, when coworkers complain, compete, or slough off work that you end up doing for them, when you work in a climate of fear, nastiness and constant griping, your job is an obstacle to peace.
Do you think you are stuck, with no options?
The world is changing quickly, and the kind of work we do is changing with it. This is a good time to think outside the box.
If you think creatively, if you are open to new ideas and willing to learn new skills, you may find new possibilities. It is possible to have a job that adds to your peace.
If you have a toxic job, think about alternatives to staying in that job.

Feb 13 Peace and the Senses

All our senses affect us.
Sounds make a difference in our having peace.
We live in a world with lots of noise, and this noise can be an obstacle to peace. Noisy, irritating sounds can raise our stress levels.
Other sounds can be calming. Listening to birds or chirping crickets or to ocean waves can be relaxing. The Tibetans and other ancient cultures had items made of crystal or bronze that resonated at a frequency they used for healing (look up “singing bowls”).
For most of us, making changes in the sounds around us can make a big difference in our sense of peace with little expense and trouble. I have found noise-canceling headphones to be a godsend. They are essential on airplanes, but also in noisy hotel rooms or when neighbors are loud, or other places where noise is a problem.
The next time you are in a music store look at the relaxation CD’s. Pick one that you would find calming. Listen to those sounds for ten minutes twice a day and see what a difference it makes in your day.

Feb 12 Fighting

Living in peace is not the same as being passive. At times we choose not to fight, opting instead for peace. This is not because we are weak and powerless. We may walk away from a fight because the cost is too high, or because the prize is too small. We may decide that the battle is not worth our energy. We may not want to make the other into an enemy. Or we may prefer a situation where neither side loses.
This is an important point, and the cause of much misunderstanding. Strong, powerful people may walk away from a fight when that is the wiser course of action. They walk away because they choose to do so, not because they are weak.
Those who are strong do not have to prove their strength to anyone.

Feb 11 Living Large

Many of us are living small lives.
We have reduced our expectations, reduced our aspirations.
We want to do things, do more, be more than we are, but we stay where we are.
Maybe it is because of fear, because of lack of time or money, or because we don’t want to take risks.
Sometimes it is inertia. We get settled into the rut we’re in and don’t want to move out of it.
Maybe family or friends don’t want us to live a larger life. It would make them uncomfortable; change would make them uneasy.
Meanwhile we have a vague sense of something missing, a sense of not being really at home, that is an obstacle to having peace.
What if we all dared to live big lives?
Today, ask yourself who you would be if you fulfilled all your potential.

Feb 10 peace = money?

If we lived in a world that valued peace, who would be the highest paid?
The highest-paid people now are business warriors, entertainers, and sports warriors. If we valued peace more than we valued fighting, who would be paid the most?
Maybe creative people, or people who come into angry, hostile situations and help find peaceful solutions – mediators.
Here’s a thought – what about people who care for children?
Or musicians (“music hath charms to soothe the savage beast”).
Maybe some athletes would still be highly paid, those in sports that stress individual development, grace, and strength.
Those who develop new technology to grow food?
I think people who make us laugh would still be on the list.
Today, think about your answer to this question:
If we could decide who in our society is most highly paid, what would we choose?

Feb 9 Lighten Up

It is said that the reason angels can fly is that they take themselves lightly. If we are to have more peace in our lives it will help to lighten up.
If we really look at all the heavy loads in our lives, most of us carry one or two that really don’t belong to us, that are someone else’s burden. If each of us let go of the burdens that really aren’t our own, that are not necessary or aren’t worth the energy cost, we would be lighter.
Most of us would be lighter if we could let go of the judgments we lay on ourselves. We are hard on ourselves. We tend to blame ourselves for things that we have no control over. We judge ourselves for not measuring up to some ideal, for our presumed status on the Winner Ladder. If we quit beating ourselves up, we would have more peace in our lives.
Today, think about the burdens you carry. Ask yourself whether you can reduce those burdens and travel lighter.

Feb 8 Definition of Peace, Part 1

Many definitions have been given for peace. The simplest definition has two forms.
Peace is defined as the absence of war. In this version of peace, when we have an opportunity to fight, we do not accept. The absence of war is the absence of action. We do nothing but walk away.
In the second definition, peace is the opposite of war. Given the opportunity to fight, we take an action that is the opposite of fighting. We solve the problem by some action other than fighting.
Both definitions are useful. Which version of peace we choose depends on the situation. For instance, if your coworkers try to involve you in an argument about something trivial you may choose to walk away. You choose not to fight and instead of fighting, you do nothing.
But if a potential fight is about an issue important to you, perhaps a disagreement with your neighbor about a fence on the property line, you may sit down and negotiate, looking for a win-win solution. You look to solve the problem in ways other than fighting.
Both choices are peaceful solutions which do not involve fighting.
Today, think about a situation in which you walked away from a fight or solved a problem without fighting. If you were in the same situation today, would you make the same choice?

Feb 7 Energy

Most of us keep track of where our money goes, how much money we have, and what everything costs. But very few of us pay the same attention to our energy.
You may be like me – I often find I don’t have enough energy to do things that are important to me. Ideally, we would spend the most energy on things that are the most valuable to us, but that may not be easy to do.
Some people make us feel drained. People who are takers, who are needy or anxious, can be expensive to be around, measured by how much energy they cost us.
Some jobs are exhausting. Maybe you have had these jobs – I certainly have. At the end of a work day, you can’t say exactly what you accomplished, but you are completely out of energy.
Some locations can be draining. I find that noisy and chaotic places are tiring for me. This is different for everyone, but we all have places that take energy away and others that are restoring.
Today, think about the answer to these questions:
Who do you know that is draining?
What takes your energy away? What gives it back?

Feb 6 Fixing the World

Some of us are forever trying to fix everything. We are always trying to fix other people’s lives or trying to fix all the things in the world that aren’t right.
The good news for those who are fixers is that they will never run out of things to do. There will always be plenty of things that are broken, lots of people with problems.
The bad news is that the need to fix everything can be an obstacle to peace. If you are one of those people, you will find that you are never finished – some new problem will always be tapping you on the shoulder. People will resist having their lives fixed and will continue to create new dramas. They may not agree with your solutions and may be upset with you for meddling, even if they invited you to help!
We may assume that we know what needs to be fixed and we know what other people need in their lives. But since none of us are omniscient, we are sometimes wrong.
It is important that we all have a stake in the world around us and try to make it better. But those who don’t take care of themselves will wear out.
If you are a fixer, you may want to limit what you try to fix and allow yourself time and emotional space to have peace in your own life. And you may want to consider whether fixing things adds to your peace or makes it harder.

Feb 5 Retrieving the Compass

Many of us drift through life on autopilot, busy with day-to-day stuff. We made our choices when we were younger, and now we are merely living out those choices.
We usually don’t look at where we’re headed; we do what is expected. We do what we did yesterday or last year. We do what our parents did. We do what our neighbors do. We drift along with the tide and then complain about the direction we’re going.
But we aren’t going to drift into peace. If we want peace in our own lives and in the world, if we want a better world for our children and their children, we will have to take back control of our lives. To have peace we may not have to struggle or fight, but we do need to make a decision.

Feb 4 Health

Worry about physical health is an obstacle to peace. Most of us need to stop worrying so much about health and instead make changes in our lives to take better care of ourselves. As with other changes, it may be easier to make adjustments gradually, in stages.
More physical exercise is important for health. We can walk instead of driving short distances and take the stairs instead of riding the elevator.
Most of us need to change our diet. We can gradually reduce animal products and add more plants, do more food preparation at home, look for restaurants and take-out places that have healthier food, figure out a way to drink more water.
If peace is the goal, it is important to make health a priority but not an obsession. Diet and exercise should add to our lives, not be a struggle or source of guilt.
Today, think of one small change you could make in your life to add to your health. Make the change or don’t make the change, but don’t worry about it.

Feb 3 Fighting

In this society, we consider warriors our heroes. A warrior’s greatest asset is strength, which is essential to fight the enemy. The warrior becomes a hero by winning the battle.
But the warrior is only one kind of hero. Some problems need warriors; others don’t. When your two-year-old won’t sleep, you don’t need a warrior; you need someone calming and reassuring. When you are at work and the client is upset, you don’t need a warrior; you need a diplomat.
Fighting is not the only way to be strong. You may need to stand your ground, but you don’t always need to fight.
Living in peace does not mean you have to be a doormat. It doesn’t mean you always give in. It means you can be strong without defeating someone else, without making the other into an enemy. Endurance, cleverness, wisdom, compassion, even stubborn determination – all are ways to be strong.
Today, think about times in your life when you were strong without fighting.

Feb 2 Take the First Step

Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now.
Goethe

Many of us are procrastinators. We put off doing what we need to do, then scramble to meet deadlines. The list of things we haven’t done adds to our sense of guilt, providing one more way we don’t measure up.
People procrastinate for various reasons. A common reason is fear – fear of judgmental reactions from others, or fear of not doing a good job. Or we may put off starting something because we don’t know how we will finish it. We can’t see the end, so we don’t even start.
Those who have the courage to act usually find that the act of taking the first step makes the second step more clear. When we are focused on what we want, we see opportunities. If we hang back in fear we will miss them.
Today, think of something you have been putting off. Take the first step.

Feb 1 Obstacles to Peace

Why don’t we all have more peace in our lives now? Although we’re not all the same, there are some common hurdles. Perhaps some of these obstacles to peace are familiar to you:

I wouldn’t even know where to start.
It’s a little scary to do the things I would need to do.
I know what to do but I just never manage to get started.
My family gets in the way of having peace in my life.
My job makes it impossible.
I don’t have enough time.
It would be too expensive.
With everything I have to do now, I don’t have the energy for one more thing.
If I were a peaceful person I wouldn’t be successful in my job.
Not interested. I’m a fighter.
It’s not possible to live in peace in this world. It’s a pipe dream.
Too boring.

Today, think about how you would finish this sentence: I would have peace in my life if . . . . .

Jan 31 Other People's Dramas

When we have other people in our lives, we often inherit their life dramas.
We want to be friendly and sympathetic, but other people’s emotional issues can be an obstacle to our having peace.
We don’t want to be cold and uncaring – we want to be helpful. But some people get all upset about really small stuff. Others are always victims and never seem to learn. Still others constantly fight with family members and want to tell you all the details. After they tell you about their problems they feel better, but you go home with a headache.
Emotional connections are important – they can make life worthwhile. Or they can leave us miserable and drained. The challenge is to keep that emotional connection to other people and not to their dramas. Your friend’s lack of peace doesn’t mean you can’t have peace.
Today, ask yourself whether your peace is affected by someone else’s drama.

Jan 30 Peace in the World

The concept of world peace is synonymous with an immense, insoluble problem.
We want peace, but it seems too overwhelming. We don’t know where to start to make it happen. We tend to believe that one person can’t make a difference and that only the policy makers can make a change.
But the governments of the world clearly don’t have a clue how to create peace. If they did, we wouldn’t be in the messes we’re in.
It is probably true that nations won’t have peace until you and I and the rest of us learn to have peace in our own lives. Then we can teach our governments how to do it.
We will have to insist that they do it – we will have to tell our governments they must create peace. If all of us insisted on peace the world would have it.
Granted, it is a big project. But I, for one, am weary of bickering, fighting, and power struggles, and I’m ready to see the world try something different. How about you?

Jan 29 Differences

Some people seem to think that the Creator made a mistake in making us all different. They work hard to correct that mistake, trying to make us all alike.
Many of us spend a lot of energy trying to measure up to someone else. But those who try to be just like someone else can’t be as good as the original. They can never be more than a good imitation.
If you’re trying to be someone else, you will miss an opportunity to find out who you can be, what you can do. The world will have to live without the contribution that could be made only by a person with your talents, abilities, and history. If you are trying to be someone else, nobody will ever be you.
Today, ask yourself this question: Am I trying to measure up to someone else?

Jan 28 Regrets

Sometimes we have regrets about events in the past. We may regret things we did or things we didn’t do, and those past events continue to bother us. We wish the past had been different.
But regrets can be an obstacle to peace. Living with regrets reflects a lack of forgiveness - difficulty forgiving ourselves or forgiving others.
If you have regrets that keep you tied to the past, think about what you can do to let it go. What could you do to have peace on this issue?
Today, write a letter to a person in your past. Say what you need to say, do what you need to do, to let go of old events. You don’t have to mail the letter – if you prefer, you can tear it up and throw it away.
Then forgive yourself and the other person and let it go.

Jan 27 Laughter

Laughter is healing.
I have observed that people who are spiritually mature tend to have a marvelous sense of humor. I think it has something to do with the absence of fear, a perspective that life doesn't need to be tedious and grim, even when lousy things happen. It is probably true that anything really important should not be taken too seriously.
When we laugh we let go of what keeps us small, what keeps us bound up. This is not true of laughter at the expense of others – that kind of laughter is not healing for the soul. But we can laugh at our own situation. We can delight in the miracles that are all around us, at the surprises life can bring. If we can laugh at the craziness of the world it doesn’t have as much of a hold on us.
It is good to know how to play, but some adults don’t know how. They may know how to have fun, however, and that is almost as good.
Peace involves feeling good, and laughter makes us feel good.
Today, do something that makes you laugh.

Jan 26 Defining Peace

What would it mean to live in peace?
If we want to create peace in our lives, we need to have a realistic idea of what it means.
It doesn’t mean a life free of problems, a life of constant calm. It doesn’t mean we have everything we want. It doesn’t mean that everyone always agrees with everyone else. If that is the idea people have of what it means to live in peace, it’s no wonder we think peace is impossible.
We all have moments of peace in our lives now. The goal would be to have more moments, to have peaceful moments come more easily.
It would mean that in those moments when we are not in peace, we know what to do to bring it back.
It would mean that our surroundings – our lives, our job, the people around us – mostly contribute to our having peace.
Living in peace is not unattainable, not hopelessly distant. You have already done it at times, and you can do it again. It is not an impossible dream.

Jan 25 (for dreamers only)

What would peace be in a perfect world?
What has the world never seen that would contribute to peace?
The world needs dreamers. If we had no dreamers, how would anything ever get better?
Today, think about something totally impractical, totally impossible, that would make the world a more peaceful place. Don’t let anyone discourage you (you don’t have to tell another soul what you are thinking about). Pretend you are living in that world. What would it be like?
What would it take to make that impossible world possible?

Jan 24 The Winner Ladder

In this society, we value strength and winning. For many, life is like a sports tournament. The measure of someone’s success and worth is judged by their position on what I call the Winner Ladder.
For those on a Winner Ladder, everyone else on the ladder is either above or below. They must compete with others to keep their position, to avoid being a loser.
Their position – their “worth” – is always at risk. Someone or something could take it away.
Some people thrive on the Winner Ladder. But for others, fear of being a loser, not measuring up, is a cause of anxiety and an obstacle to peace.
We may think that this ladder is a given – it is just how things are. But the Winner Ladder is not set in stone. It is not in our DNA. There are alternatives to the Winner Ladder, other ways of looking at our lives, of deciding whether we are a success.
Today, consider whether you have a Winner Ladder in any aspect of your life. If you do, does it add to your peace or detract from it?

Jan 23 Peace is Strength

Many believe that peace is weakness, but it is not.
Those who would live a life of peace must have strength:
strength to walk away from a pointless argument,
strength to walk away from small minds and unimportant issues,
strength to create their own arena of peace in an insane world.
It takes determination to find peace in a world that does not value peace, that values only winning and views other people only as competition.
When they are accused of being weak for choosing peace, it takes a strong person to simply smile and walk away.

Jan 22 Nature

Many people find peace in nature.
Being connected to the earth can be a source of healing. When we lose that connection we lose a source of peace.
In nature we can find a place to be away from frantic human activity, a respite from noise and commotion, from traffic and advertising.
Is there a place in nature you can go to feel at peace?
If you like to garden, is there a place you can grow something?
Think of a place on the earth near you that is beautiful – a lake or a park, or a quiet garden. If possible, find a place where you can walk with bare feet on the grass or the beach.
Today, find a place on the earth that brings you peace.

Jan 21 Fighting

What would happen if you walked away from a fight?
Would other people say you were weak?
Would you be ashamed?
Would you be a loser?
We worship strength and we worship winning. We admire those who never give up. But if we never, ever give up, that means we fight battles that take all our energy. We fight battles that we cannot possibly win. We fight battles over unimportant things.
Sometimes we fight battles not because they matter, but because of what other people will think, or because of what we will think of ourselves.
In this society, strength and winning are the highest value. But fighting has a cost.
The next time you are faced with a fight, ask yourself this question:
Is this fight really worth my time and energy?

Jan 20 Creating Peace

Sometimes peace is a decision. One way to have peace is to stop whatever you are doing and be thankful for something you already have. For a moment, appreciate what nature provides – the sunshine, the rain, the beauty of the snowfall. Enjoy the little things - the way your child smiles, the taste of a strawberry. You may be thankful for your home or your spouse.
You can still aspire to greater gifts while you appreciate what you have now.
If you spend some time appreciating the beauty and the miracles in your life, you may be surprised at how your feelings change.
Today, look around you and find one thing to appreciate.

Jan 19 Follow Your Bliss

My general formula for my students is "Follow your bliss." Find where it is, and don't be afraid to follow it. . . . if you do follow your bliss you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. When you can see that, you begin to meet people who are in your field of bliss, and they open doors to you. I say, follow your bliss and don't be afraid, and doors will open where you didn't know they were going to be.

Joseph Campbell, The Power of Myth

Jan 18 Anxiety

In this era of change, with so much uncertainty, many of us feel anxious. But anxiety is an obstacle to peace. Reducing anxiety may be the single most effective thing that people can do to have peace in their lives.
There are ways to manage anxiety. You may have one that works for you. One I have found effective is EFT, Emotional Freedom Technique.
This is a new technique based on the ancient Chinese healing technique of acupuncture. The Chinese use needles, but EFT needs no equipment - it involves tapping on the energy meridians of the body. And you don’t need an expert; you can do it yourself.
I have seen some amazing things happen as people find relief from longstanding issues, both physical and emotional, as well as resolving new problems.
Today check out the EFT website. Watch the video and download the free manual.

Jan 17 Change

Some life changes are better made gradually. Rather than big, dramatic changes, we may do well to make smaller changes, step by step. Smaller changes are less stressful, and a gradual pace allows us to modify our plans when necessary. Incremental changes also allow others around us to adjust to the changes in us. They have to deal with our changes also, and if we can make it easier for them, it is easier for us.
If we want peace in our lives, we can start by making small changes.
Remember that small changes done over time can make a big difference in us and in our world.
Today, give yourself a pat on the back for the small changes that you have made in your life that made it better.

Jan 16 Clutter

If many of us have too much clutter in our homes, we also have cluttered schedules. We are busy, but some of our activities are of little benefit.
We end up with cluttered schedules in much the same way that we end up with cluttered homes. We get into an activity, a scheduled obligation, because it seems rewarding. We believe it will be worth our time. Some activities were valuable at first but are no longer worth the time and energy. Others never accomplished what we hoped they would accomplish, but we keep doing them anyway. Maybe we keep doing them out of inertia, or out of fear of hurting someone’s feelings. Maybe we think that something will change and any day now, if we only keep doing it, it will be worthwhile. Or maybe we keep busy to avoid a feeling of emptiness or to keep from having to face some issue.
Take a few minutes to look at your schedule. Are there any activities that are not worth your time and energy? Any activities that do not contribute to having peace in your life? What could you do without? What could you do less often?
Today, let go of anything on your schedule that is unnecessary.

Jan 15 Peace in the Family

Peace is contagious, and peace in the family starts with you.
You may believe it is a luxury to take time for yourself, a luxury you can’t afford. But if you want your children to learn to live in peace, the best way is to show them, to live in peace yourself. Even if they are grown, they still learn from you – more from what you do than from what you say.
So, take time to take care of yourself. Do what you need to do to have peace in your life. Make peace a priority.
This is a legacy we can leave our children and grandchildren. In this world, they will learn how to fight, how to argue, and how to compete. Where will they learn to live in peace if not from us?

Jan 14 Creating Your Life

What do you really want in your life? Too many people are afraid to ask themselves this question, afraid to hope for too much so they won’t be disappointed. But if you don’t know what you want, how can you ever get it?
So, what is it that you really want? Right now, don’t worry about how it can come to you. Spend some time thinking about what you would really like to have in your life. Dream big. Don’t be afraid to imagine yourself with the life of your dreams.
Magic can happen when we decide what we want and keep it in our focus. If we live in the reality we want, we become comfortable with it. When opportunities come along, we do not worry about taking advantage of them, because we have seen ourselves in that new reality.
Today, decide what you really want in your life.

Jan 13 Peace is Contagious

Peace is contagious. You can get it from other people and other people can get it from you. You know that other people affect you. When you are with anxious people they can be wearing. After a while you feel drained, as if they took something from you.
When you are with people who are at peace they radiate calm which can be felt by others. People like to be around them.
Did you ever reflect that you affect other people who are around you? How you act and how you feel are contagious also.
What kind of effect would you like to have on other people?
Today, think about how you want to affect others and what it would take to become that person.

Jan 12 Fighting

As a society, we are addicted to fighting. Whenever we encounter something we don’t want or don’t like we feel obliged to fight it. We believe we have only two choices: to fight or to be a victim.
And sometimes fighting is necessary. Sometimes you need to fight in order to have peace in one area of your life. But sometimes we fight when it doesn’t make sense. We fight so that others won’t think we are weak. We fight for entertainment or out of boredom. We fight even when fighting is harmful to us – the very definition of an addictive behavior. Sometimes, many times, fighting is an obstacle to peace.
Like all addictions, we can only give it up when we can replace it with something else. Learning alternatives to fighting can be a path to peace.
Today, think about what you fight against.

Jan 11 Meditation

One traditional way to find peace is through meditation. If you have never tried meditation it may seem daunting. We are not accustomed to taking time to be silent, and many people find it difficult to sit still. They find their mind racing or simply feel silly just sitting there.
But meditation has many rewards. It has been shown to have a positive effect on blood pressure and other aspects of physical health, but it also has psychological and spiritual benefits. It can disconnect us from the busy, superficial things that take our time and our mental energy, and give us a new perspective. When we separate our thoughts from what is around us, we are reminded that we have choices. We are not victims of our surroundings.
You can look at meditation as the other side of prayer. While prayer is often understood as speaking to God, meditation is listening for answers.
Today, sit quietly, with your eyes closed, for three minutes.

Jan 10 Clutter

Most of us have lives filled with clutter. We have things that we don’t really need and rarely use. We rent storage areas to hold the things our homes cannot hold.
We buy things, believing we need them or they will make us happy, but eventually they take up space and need to be dusted or oiled or walked around.
In the short run, things may seem to make us happy. In the long run, they usually don’t. Sometimes it isn’t clear whether we own our things or our things own us.
Letting go of objects can be difficult, but rewarding. Once the decision is made to get rid of them, it can be a freeing feeling, a feeling of being lighter, less bogged down.
Today, find one thing you want to get rid of. Start a pile of things to give away.

Jan 9 Sense and Nonsense

In this world there is a whole lot of nonsense. What if each of us decided to live a life that made sense?
A life of simplicity in a chaotic world
Quiet assurance in a hectic, frantic crowd
Wisdom in a world of shallow silliness
Truth in a world of lies and deception
We could do it, you know, you and I. We could just start being sane and let the silly insane world go on without us.
We do a lot of idiotic things because we live in a crazy world. What if we decided to ignore the inanity and be sane? Wouldn’t that drive them crazier?
Today do one sane and reasonable thing. If someone else freaks out, just smile.

Jan 8 Change

What have you outgrown?
We think of children growing in stages, outgrowing old clothes, old toys, and old ways of acting. We tend to think that when we become adults we stop growing and remain the same for the rest of our lives. But in fact adults grow and change also. What we need at one time may no longer be what we need years later. Like children, we outgrow old ways of behaving and thinking.
This can be a problem for others around us who want us to stay the same. They may prefer that we stay in the same patterns. They want us to be predictable.
You may feel as if you are stuck in patterns of behavior from the past that no longer serve you. In fact you may have outgrown some elements of your life.
One of the gifts of growing older is the wisdom gained from living. In order to grow in wisdom and understanding it may be necessary to give up what you have outgrown.
Today, ask yourself whether you have outgrown anything in the life you are living now.

Jan 7 Peace on the Job

Many of us, maybe even most of us, are employed doing work that has no meaning to us.
It is so common that we don’t really think about it, except to make occasional jokes about the pointlessness of our jobs.
This takes a toll on our lives and affects our relationships and our ability to live in peace.
Many people holding such jobs will say that they have no choice. And perhaps this is true. But perhaps it is not true. Stories abound of people who left jobs they didn’t find satisfying and changed their lifestyles. If they make a lower salary at their new job, they have traded more money for the chance to love what they do all day or a chance to spend more time with their families, or simply to get away from the insanity, to slow down the pace of their lives.
Today, think about the answer to this question: If you are currently employed, do you find meaning in your job?

Jan 6 Living in the Present

Many of us live in the past. We hang onto old issues, replaying them in our minds.
We think about things we should have done and things we shouldn’t have done, what we wish had happened, or what we lost. We may be angry at ourselves or at other people, making plans to get even, to show them a thing or two. We may be stuck on “if only” – if only something had not happened, if we had made another choice, everything would be fine.
It is important to learn from the past – we don’t want to make the same mistakes over and over again. But, as the saying goes, the past is a nice place to visit, but you don’t want to live there. You can’t have peace now if you are living in the past. If you want to have peace now, you have to be present in this moment. Even if a past event is a pleasant one, it is gone. You can create other wonderful moments, but only if you focus on your life now.
Today, think of one past event, good or bad, that you hang onto. For five minutes, let go of it.

Jan 5 Peace and the Senses

All the senses affect us, and all our senses can help us find peace.
Scent is important. An aroma can evoke feelings, good or bad, and can contribute to our feeling fearful or at peace.
Scents can call up memories of early events and bring back the feelings of another time. The smell of bread baking does this for me. My grandfather was a baker, and when I was young we would visit him at work. He would take a loaf of just-baked bread from the cooling room, bring out a stick of butter, and we would have a wonderful treat. To this day, the smell of bread baking brings back those memories for me.
There are many ways to experience scents that make you go “aaah”. Flavored coffee and tea have a soothing aroma. Scented candles and oils can bring fragrance to your home. For a fast way to have great smells coming from your kitchen, you can buy refrigerated cookie dough and bake some cookies.
Do you have pleasant memories of wonderful smells? Or is there a scent that just makes you feel relaxed?
Today, experience a scent that makes you feel peaceful.

Jan 4 Creating Peace

What is in your life now that promotes peace?
What are you already doing that helps you find peace?
Do you live in a peaceful home? Do you have supportive friends and family?
What do you have that adds to your peace?
We all have some aspects of peace in our lives. Some of those peaceful aspects we had to work for. Maybe you have to work hard at a job that pays the bills. Maybe you have harmonious family or friend relationships that you work to maintain. Or perhaps you made an effort to live in a peaceful place.
Other things in our lives that promote peace are just there. We didn’t have to struggle for them – they are gifts. Some people have a peaceful, calm disposition. If you are one of those people, you are fortunate. Or maybe you have someone like that in your life. Maybe you have a talent, such as playing music, that brings you peace. Maybe you love to garden. You probably have at least one thing in your life that adds to peace.
Today, take some time to be thankful for the things in your life that bring you peace.

Jan 3 Creating Peace

You can create your own version of peace. In fact, you are the only one who can do it. Nobody else can create it for you. But to create peace you need to have some idea of what you want.
What does peace mean to you? Is peace about being less busy and frantic? An end to fighting in your family? About less noise? Less worry? Or does it mean an end to war between nations? Living in harmony with the earth?
What does it mean for you?
Can you think of three things peace means to you? What exactly would be different if you had peace?
This may be a new thought for you. If this is something you have not thought of before, you may not be able to come up with three ideas. Don’t worry about it. You may find that answers come to you over time.
Today, imagine how your life would be different if you had peace.

Jan 2 Creating Peace

What does peace mean to you? What would it mean for you to have peace in your life?
Who would you be if you were at peace?
What would you do?
People find peace in different ways. We are not all the same, so we don’t have the same ideas about peace.
This blog will have suggestions, one each day for a year. Some ideas will work for you; others won’t. They won’t all fit you or your situation, but some of them might. Try the ones that look promising and ignore the ones that don’t speak to you.
You can read them in order, one every day or all at once. You can read them backwards or pick one at random. They are all suggestions, not the final answer. They can provide some ideas for the next step on your journey towards peace.
I wish you happiness and freedom on that journey.

Jan 1 Peace is Possible

You can have peace in your life.
You don’t have to make dramatic changes. You don’t have to be someone else. You don’t need to live someone else’s life. You can live your own life, only better.
You don’t have to be smarter or more educated or richer.
You can be yourself and have more peace. You might even be more yourself than you have ever been before.
Surely it would be easier to live in peace than to be always struggling. It shouldn’t have to be complicated.
Peace is possible.
Peace is possible for you.